“How were you kind to someone today?” That was the question that I dropped at the dinner table the other night. Two of the three stared at me blankly, and the third one piped right up, “What do you mean?”

Clearly, this was a conversation that was long overdue.

First of all, I will confess, this wasn’t my idea. I will read just about any article or headline that claims to help me improve the lines of communication with my kids. I recently saw this question on a list of three questions a mommy blogger asks her kids every day. I didn’t even read the rest of the article, because this one got my wheels turning.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been observing some behaviors that have me less than thrilled with my offspring. For the most part, the three of them are great kids. They do well in school, they are reasonably well-behaved in public, they are engaged in their sports teams and their other extracurricular activities.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed that their sibling spats have gotten a little nastier. The eyerolling over household chores has become a little more noticeable, and they haven’t been as enthusiastic about participating in some of the volunteer activities that we usually engage in around this time of year. I even got a report from the teacher that one of the little cherubs was observed making faces when partnered up with someone who wasn’t necessarily a friend of theirs.

I know the Wonderful Husband and I are partially to blame. We’ve been stressed out with work and numerous other things that we have going on, and our tempers haven’t exactly been long. I can hear echoes of my own snappiness in their sniping at each other. Our conversations also tend to revolve around them: How did you do on your math test? Did you practice all your songs for the Christmas concert? Did you clean your room and put your laundry away? What do you want for Christmas? What do you want for breakfast?

During Thanksgiving, we have a lot of conversations about what we are thankful for, and while my kids do have a tremendous appreciation for the many gifts and opportunities that they have, I felt that the conversation was still focused inward.

We also had a lengthy conversation about homeless people after our recent trip to the city. E probably would have handed out every last dime in my wallet and then turned over my credit card and the shirt off my back if I had let her. After seeing one homeless person selling fruit, and another who was offering to do any job, no matter how small, G wondered how other homeless people got by with just setting a cup out asking for money.

At any rate, I definitely felt like it was time for my kids to spend a little more time thinking about how they treat other people and how they can help other people. So, this launched the “how were you kind?” conversation.

Boy oh boy, did they struggle to answer that one. I even set the bar low. I asked them to think about any time at all that they were nice to someone. Again with the blank faces. In fairness to them, I had witnessed each of them doing small, kind acts that they did almost instinctively, without realizing it, like holding doors open, or being encouraging to a teammate, or respectful to a coach, but I also realized that all these things were in their comfort zone. I wanted them to stretch a little bit. I wanted them to help someone else when it wasn’t necessarily easy, or polite, or what they really wanted to do.

We spent the rest of the conversation talking about what we thought it meant to be kind, and some different ways that they could express kindness to those around them. The next night, each of them had much more to say about the subject.

It’s been an interesting experiment and I am curious to see if they can emerge from this as genuinely kinder, more compassionate people, with increased empathy to those around them. It’s certainly been a challenge for me. I’ve tried to set a better example for them and reported back my own improved efforts at kindness. Actually, I don’t even have to report back on it, because my kids, with their newly heightened awareness of kindness, are very, very quick to point out any time I am less than kind. Which can sorely test the limits of my newfound kindness.

Turns out, I also picked a great time of year to launch this experiment, since I’m not the only one paying attention. Getting onto Santa’s nice list is definitely incentive!

Liz Pinkey is a contributing writer to the Times News. Her column appears weekly in our Saturday feature section.