One of the most important qualities a magician needs to learn his craft is his ability to carefully translate and follow directions. Most magicians get their start by studying magic books, and I was no different.

I read and absorbed almost every magic book I could find. The older books required some translation and some thought because sometimes the authors would deliberately describe moves vaguely to make you work for the effect.Fortunately, modern magic authors are not so sadistic in their instruction, but I think after years of reading directions, hardware project manufacturers have taken up the slack.Over the Fourth of July weekend, I planned to install a new storm door on the front of the house. I am by no means mechanically inclined, but this challenge seemed to be within my grasp.When I purchased the "easy hang" door a few months back, I noticed the package said I would need a drill, flat head and Phillips screwdrivers, a tape measure and a pair of pliers.These tools all seemed reasonable and were in my hardware repertoire. After all, how hard could this be? There was already a storm door on the front door, and the box said this was a one- to two-hour installation, so I figured on three hours.Last week was so hot until the end, so I planned on Saturday because that was supposed to be the most pleasant day of the week. But unlike with other projects, this one I thought ahead. I examined the screws earlier in the week. They were a bit rusted and I decided to be proactive. I got my trusty WD-40 miracle spray and coated each screw generously. I let them sit for a few days to let the lubricant soak into the areas around the screws and hopefully seep down along their shafts to prepare them for removal.My plan seemed to work like a charm. Things were off to a fast start as one screw after the other came out. All of the screws were easily removed until I got to the last one, which was about 3 inches off the ground and 2 inches from the wall. That was the one that would not unscrew, just like Murphy's Law predicted. Not only would it not come out, but the grooves in the top of the screw chipped out instead of engaging the bit of the Phillips.Fortunately my neighbor Mike was very helpful and he was able to pop the screw out after some maneuvering by using a vice grip. Granted, that was not on the box, but I figured it was an exception.It was about 45 minutes more than what I was expecting, but it was not that great of a delay. Once we removed the old door, my wife and I carried it to the garage and brought the new door up to the front porch. We opened it up and I read the directions. So far, so good.I was able to line the hinges up along the door and drill the holes to fasten the door to the frame. That went smoothly, and within 15 minutes I was able to get the door up and fastened to the existing frame.I thought, "This is going so well. I have really improved in doing projects like this." That cliché about speaking too soon comes to mind as a I recount what happened next.After everything was attached, the next step was to attach the door handle. I looked at the template and taped it to the door. "This doesn't look too hard," I thought. "Six more holes."Of course, it was only then that I looked at the size of these holes. Two on each side needed to be 5/16 inches and flanked a -inch hole in the middle."Simple enough," I thought. Then I looked at my drill bits. "Hey, these bits only go up to inch." I checked in the house and the older drill bit sets I had also went up to only inch.Of course doesn't sound very large until you compare it to the typical drill bits. The thing is huge. Mike loaned me a -inch bit that was wide and flat with a sharp point in the center and planelike blades on the end of the rectangle opposite the drill.I read the directions closely, and it read: "Use your center punch to mark the center of the six holes on the template."Center punch? What center punch? There's no mention of a center punch on the list of tools on the box or on the directions, but there on page 4 is the mandate to use a center punch.At this point, there is a technical writer somewhere who should have his or her pencil broken in half, because obviously I also needed a hammer. That was not even mentioned in the directions. What are you supposed to do? Hit the punch with the tape measure. Sure. And by the way, what were the pliers for anyway? No use for them yet.Needless to say, after borrowing three tools and two drills not listed in the directions, I got the door finished. And still no pliers were needed.By the time I was done though, I was imagining using the center punch on the writer who wrote the crappy directions while I twisted his nose with the unnecessary pliers, which took me an hour to find in the first place.To this day, I'm still not sure what the pliers were for, but at least we have a new door. My next project will be less ambitious. I'm thinking of building a board.Till next time …