A and I had our first round of college visits. All in all, things went well. He had positive experiences, plans to apply to both schools that we hit, and feels a lot more confident about the whole admissions process.

However, there were a few things about college admissions that surprised me and fed into an argument that I’ve been having with myself.

One of the applications requested that prospective students include a list of their family responsibilities.

From the explanation that the admissions counselor gave us, the school wants to know everything about who the student is and take into consideration all the factors that contribute to why a student may or may not have excelled or participated, or demonstrate how they can balance all the demands in their lives.

There is a part of me that just loves this. Home life influences everything, and it really should be a part of the equation. It can show exactly what obstacles you’ve had to overcome, or it can also show how you have taken advantage of opportunities you’ve been given. It’s hard to imagine this section of the application hurting anyone’s chances of admission.

Then, there is the part of me that thinks we might be making too much of a big deal about kids simply having responsibilities to their families.

A thinks that this is also the part of me that didn’t get to add taking care of 20 sheep, 15 goats, 3 pigs, and a pony before and after school every day, and being late to a basketball game because I had to deliver a set of twin goats to my application. He’s not wrong. In fact, I was specifically told to start over when I submitted a personal essay about life on the farm to my high school adviser.

I can see where A can play up the increased responsibilities that he’s had to take on since Steve died to his advantage, all while maintaining his high academic standing and plethora of extracurriculars.

But, I’ve also gone to great lengths to make sure that none of the kids feels like they have to give up anything because of our new single parent household, and we’ve all worked overtime to keep everyone’s grades where they belong.

Do I get a chance to plead my case when I’m filling out the financial aid applications? I mean, sure, I could be working more hours and contributing more dollars, but it would come at the expense of putting dinner on the table every night, keeping up with the laundry, and making sure that the dogs don’t chew the walls down around our ears.

The example that the counselor provided had a student who gave his siblings rides to practice two to three times a week, and who also helped care for an infirm grandparent.

Now, should A really get an extra head pat for driving his sibling to practice almost daily when they are in fact going to the same practice at the same time? Sure, he also takes both of his siblings to school every day, but all three of them are going to the same campus at the same time. It’s not really adding any additional work to his plate.

During the pandemic, we took advantage of our time at home to help the kids learn a lot of basic life skills. All three of the kids learned a great deal about food preparation and can all cook a few simple meals very well.

Steve and the Great Boat Project of 2020 helped the boys learn a lot about how to build something from the bottom up. Moving into the farmhouse and redoing just about every room has helped add a variety of skills to their repertoire, from tearing out old carpet to painting walls.

E has quite a knack for assembling furniture. Thanks to the timing of everything, we had to do a lot of shopping for her bedroom and closets online, and it arrived in pieces. Steve was distracted with the boat and I was distracted by complaining about the boat, so if she wanted her stuff usable sooner rather than later, she learned to do it herself.

I don’t want the kids to lose those skills, and I want them to continue to expand on them, but I also don’t want them to feel like they have to take on grown-up, or “man of the house” responsibilities. I want them to realize what it takes to keep a household running, but I also know I need to learn to manage a lot of this stuff on my own, as they will be moving on with their lives, and not here to depend on forever.

If nothing else, I know for the next six months or so, A will have a new attitude about pitching in with the housework.

It is tempting to cash in on that motivation to get a few bigger projects out of the way. At the same time, I want them all to want to do these things not to check a box, but because they realize that our family needs them to work together to keep going.

This is going to be an interesting process to watch unfold, and I’m curious to see how it turns out, and how he chooses to spin his responsibilities.

In the meantime, I’d like a do-over, and the chance to tell an admissions officer how I rescued a pig from a well when I was only 14. We will, of course, leave out the part where it was my irresponsibility that landed her there in the first place.

Liz Pinkey is a contributing columnist who appears weekly in the Times News.