This week I had the pleasure of spending some time with one of the women I most admire.

Time with her is a rarity because she’s involved in several charities and in so many humanitarian projects.

One of the things I most admire about her is how she can turn any spontaneous encounter into a chance to help someone.

That happened again as she was sitting on a church bench when a scruffy-looking guy flopped down on the bench. He looked like the kind of guy some people might ignore, but Bonnie gave him her trademark life-is-good grin.

I don’t know how she does it but she soon had the guy opening up about his troubles. When he said he needed a job, Bonnie just could have reminded him dozens of places are in need of employees.

Instead, she listened to his background then drove him to a small diner her friend owned. The guy was hired as a waiter after he agreed to get a haircut.

Most people would have been afraid to get involved. Not Bonnie. If there’s a need, she fills it. She even convinced him to go back to his church.

I’m a bit in awe at how she can turn a few minutes sitting on a park bench into a positive experience with a stranger.

But that’s Bonnie.

She did take me by surprise when she said she “was not the person she used to be.”

“I’ve changed in significant ways,” she said.

I didn’t see anything wrong with how she used to be, but Bonnie insisted she was getting too self-centered.

When a volunteer project she worked on was turned down after she spent weeks on it, Bonnie said she cried.

“I made it all about me, not about what is best for the project,” she said.

Coincidentally, my daughter Andrea and I just had a conversation about things we are trying to change.

I commented that at my age I would have thought I had it all down pat. Ha! I keep finding things I need to work on. And, trust me, I do exactly that.

I don’t just say oh I have to get better at something in particular. Instead when I realize there is something important I need to change, I make it my project.

For the past few months, I’ve been working on refraining from telling people what they “should do.”

I confess the people that most applies to are my two daughters.

Maybe it’s a habit from their childhood when I’m sure I often tried to direct them to what they “should” do.

But once they’ve grown up into incredibly smart daughters, I don’t need to tell them what they should do.

I don’t need to, but that doesn’t stop me.

I think I told you before about our remarkable church pastor who told us he had a guaranteed way to make our lives better. We were on a church retreat so he had our undivided attention as he promised to give us a surefire way to a happier life.

Are you ready to write this down? I’m giving you the guaranteed formula to wipe out stress from your life and make you a happier person, he said.

I waited with pen and notebook for him to share the secret to a better life.

This was it: Stop telling people what they should or should not do.

He said too many of us have the idea that we know best … if others would just listen to us.

Well, I don’t usually try to tell those outside my family what to do, and I certainly don’t try that with my husband.

Instead, I might start a conversation by saying, “I know you’re a smart person and you certainly don’t need me to tell you … (fill in the blank)

If I acknowledge he doesn’t need me telling him something he doesn’t mind if I say it. He doesn’t listen to me, but he doesn’t mind.

My daughters, on the other hand, do mind. That’s probably because I used to do it too often.

After my daughters and I had a serious conversation about how all three of us err in trying to tell others what to do, we made a big effort to change.

I can tell you in all honesty that after trying for months to stop saying they should or shouldn’t do something, I just about have beaten that bad habit.

There are other bad habits and behaviors I need to change. Right now, my big effort is trying to stop worrying about what “might” happen.

If it isn’t hitting me on the head right now, I’m not going to worry about it.

In fact, my whole emphasis this year has been trying to worry less.

Those who follow my column know it’s true that I worry too much.

I’m finding it is possible to do less of that by changing my attitude. But it isn’t easy.

Are we ever too old to change? Absolutely not.

I don’t want to just get older. I want to get better … better at making the most of my time on earth.

That includes trying to be a better me by weeding out bad habits when they creep up.

There’s a television commercial that says, “You’re not getting older … you’re getting better.”

Well, that’s the plan.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.