We hear them all the time. Nice people say things that are the opposite of what they really mean.

Let's start with this one. I invite you to my party and you say, "I'll see if I can make it."Translation is you're not coming.What if I believed you were being truthful and called you for three straight days.First day: "Are you still trying to come? What else do you have to do? Can't you put all that aside and still make it?Second day: "Can you promise me today that you will come?"Third day: I'll call you every hour to see if you're still trying to make it, OK?"I'm annoying you for sure, but all you had to do was say no. Give me your honesty instead of trying not to hurt my feelings.How about the line, "If you ever need anything, give me a call."Translation is you don't want to help at all.Here's how I might honor your so-called offer."Hey, remember you told me if I needed anything to give you a call? I'm not feeling well today. I need several grocery items from the store. Take a cooler with you, too, because many are frozen items. I'll text you the list. Oh, please don't forget the three cases of soda. The sale ends today."The next day I call again."Hey, I wonder if you might come over and cut my lawn. My allergies are killing me. And be careful when you cut the backyard. There's dog poop everywhere."Now how about this one? You say, "I don't have to invite you to my house. Stop over anytime you want."Translation is you don't want me in your home.So here's what I do. I show up at dinnertime with my whole family."Oh you're sitting down to eat? We just wanted to stop by for a few minutes.Something smells good. You sure you have enough? We are kind of hungry."How about this scenario? I bring my family to your door at 9 p.m."I hope it's not too late, but you said to just drop in. Your wife's putting your kids to bed? You look tired too, so we'll only stay a little while. My kids have been sniffling and coughing for three days now so don't get too close."Now, what if I ask, "How are you?" and you reply, "I'm fine. I can't complain."Translation is no, you're not fine and you can complain. Everyone does.Let's switch this one around. You ask me how I'm doing."Now that you've asked, come sit with me for a while." I pull you by the arm to a nearby bench."First, I had a stomach virus that kept me in the bathroom for two days. Then the hot water heater broke. Cost me six hundred bucks. That went right on plastic. Who has emergency funds lying around to pay for stuff like this? Then the dog threw up all over the house and my son came down the stairs and stepped in it, bare feet and all. Slid right down onto his back and hit his head. Took him to the doctor's to check for a concussion. He's OK for now."And you should see the potholes on the street at the end of my driveway. I thought I broke an axle when I took my kid to the doctor's. When we hit the hole, he hit his head on the roof and I thought he had another head injury on top of the first one."At this point, when I have you totally aggravated with my complaints, I stop myself and ask, "So how've you been"You answer, "My wife's leaving me."I say, "That's too bad. Well, got to run. Kid has baseball practice tonight. He got three hits in his last game, you know. Take care."I guess you have figured out by now that if you ever pass me by somewhere it's best you lower your head and keep on walking.Don't take me seriously. I'm just having some fun here.So how are you, anyway?Rich Strack can be reached at

katehep11@gmail.com.