(Reader alert: Please be advised the following article may cause some embarrassment if you read it. But the author believes that by sharing even the most intimate details of one's life, it may help others to know they are not alone. Through humor, it also helps her keep her sanity. Well, that depends on who you talk to, of course.)

I have this "friend." Let's say her name is Melinda. She's going shopping today. She's headed to Bed Bath and Beyond. She's looking for a rubber sheet.Melinda has a slight problem. She's been having wet dreams. These are not to be confused with the kind her husband, "Larry," says that boys and men have from time to time. She only wishes they were. Like dreams featuring Robert Redford (the younger version), walking into a crowded room, his eyes searching until he finds Melinda, who blends in with the wallpaper. He makes his way toward her, reaches his hand out to her and says, "May I have this dance?" Then leads her onto the dance floor, where he holds her intimately in his own version of "Dirty Dancing." Sigh.No. In Melinda's wet dreams she's doing run-of-the-mill activities when she suddenly needs the bathroom and proceeds to use the bathroom. I hope that's all the picture I need to paint for you. Let's just say, deeply embarrassed, Melinda has had to wake up Larry so she can change the sheets. She says this is not a fun activity at 3 a.m.It's happened three times now. The first time she just chalked it up as a fluke. The second time, she began to be a little concerned. But by the third and most recent time, Melinda is pretty sure she has a problem. A "going" problem. She planned on broaching the subject with her gynecologist, Dr. Downunder, at her next appointment. But until then, she consulted with Dr. Google.Dennis Auckley, MD, Associate Professor of Medicine, School of Medicine at Case Western Reserve University calls it "sleep enuresis" and says it becomes a problem in the elderly. (Melinda was not comforted by that word "elderly.")Dr. Auckley says urinary incontinence is due to other underlying medical problems and does not represent a problem with the urinary system per se, though urinary tract disorders can also lead to enuresis. These conditions include obstructive sleep, congestive heart failure, diabetes, urinary tract infections, nighttime seizures, depression, severe psychological stress and dementia. Of course, the excessive intake of fluids or substances that promote urination (i.e. diuretic medications, caffeine and alcohol) can also lead to nighttime bedwetting.Studies and researches reveal that at least 2 percent of the adult population suffers from lack of control of voiding during their sleep. Melinda is not comforted that she is one of 2 percent of the population. She'd be much happier if she was one of the other 98 percent. Of course she knows she must see a doctor for a proper diagnosis, but she's pretty sure she has all of the above-mentioned.Then there's the issue of the daytime incontinence. Melinda can be dusting and thinks maybe she has to use the bathroom. She's almost like Pavlov's dog with an unconditional response. The minute she sees the toilet, she has an uncontrollable urge to go. Sometimes she can't pull her pants down fast enough.When Melinda went through menopause, she rejoiced in no longer having to wear pads. Now she's back to wearing panty liners. Depends. No, it doesn't "depend" on if she's feeling insecure or not. She isn't. But she doesn't want to wear diapers.Did you know they make underwear briefs to help those with incontinence? They might be better than diapers. Melinda doubts they make Jumbo size ones.Which leads to the issue of Bubble Butt. Melinda can tell when toddlers are still wearing diapers because they have those cute little Bubble Butts. If she started wearing Depends, she can just imagine what her friends would be saying behind her back when she walked past. "Have you noticed Melinda's Bubble Butt? Do you think she's gaining weight? Oh I hope she doesn't have incontinence and has had to resort to wearing Depends." Bubble Butts on grown women are not "cute."And are you like Melinda when she sees the Depends commercial with June Allyson bouncing around with other "Seniors" telling us to "Get Back into Life with Depends" and want to smack Mrs. Happy Pants?Treatment options for incontinence, besides wearing Depends, range from behavior management, bladder retraining, pelvic floor therapy, medications and surgery. The success of treatment depends on the correct diagnoses. Oh, here is one that Melinda knows is the key to all her problems … weight loss is recommended in those who are obese. Well, losing weight would help with her fear of Bubble Butt when wearing Depends.Melinda promises to keep me posted on whether or not she finds a solution to her dilemma. For now, she's going to go shopping for her rubber sheet before Larry starts shopping for institutions that have rubber rooms.