R. Vallee of Tamaqua writes:
"My newspaper takes me around the world day by day informing me of the many occurrences, highs and lows. In itself, this is gratifying and much appreciated.
"And then there is humor - your article contributes this very wholesome and necessary lift in life. Thank you for it all."
This dedicated reader, in addition to his letter, enclosed a list of "sniglets", words and their definitions that are not found in the dictionary but "should be there, maybe".
Thank you Mr. Vallee for your contribution. Myself and the readers of this column appreciate your contribution, and your sense of humor.
ACCORDIONATED (adj.) - Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
ALPONIUM (noun) - A chemical symbol - Initial blast of odor upon opening a can of dog food.
BEVAMETER (noun) - A unit of measure - the distance a coaster, attached to the bottom of a wet glass, will travel before it falls back to earth.
BOVILEXIA (noun) - Uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo" every time you pass a cow.
CABNICREEK (noun) - Structural condition in which the closing of one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.
CARPERPETUATION (noun) - The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
CHOCONIVEROUS (adj.) - Having a tendency, when eating a chocolate Easter bunny, to bite off the head first.
DASHO (noun) - The area between a car'swindshield and bashboard where coins, pencils, etc. cannot be humanly retrieved.
DETERRENCY (noun) - Ruined currency found in pants pockets after laundering.
ELBONICS (noun) - The actions of two peole maneuvering for one arm rest in a theater or an airplance.
FLIRR (noun) - A photograph that features the camera operator's finger in the corner.
FRUST (noun) - The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
FURNIDENTS (noun) - The indentations that appear in carpets after furniture is moved.
GLACKETT (noun) - The noisy ball inside a spray paint can.
GLEEMULE (noun) - A unit of measure. One unit of toothpaste measured from Bristle to bristle. Not to be confused with GLEEMITES, which are petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
HOZONE (noun) - The mysterious place where one sock in every laundry load disappears to.
HYSTIOGLOGINATION (noun) - The act of trying to identify a gift by holding it to your ear and shaking it.
KEDOPHOBIA (noun) - The fear of having one's sneakers eaten by the teeth of the escalator.
LACTOMANGULATION (noun) - Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resors to using the "illegal" side.