One of my neighbors passed away this week.

Truth be told, she had a great life. At 94 years of age, she was enviably active.

I used to watch in awe as she weeded her yard with the dexterity of a teenager.

Fern was one of a kind so her neighbors are having a celebration of life that’s also a bit unusual. We’re going to toast her life with her favorite cocktail then sit around and tell what we call “Fern stories.”

There was only one sad thing about her passing. None of her close relatives were there with her. Her daughter said she and her mother upset each other so it was best to stay away.

They are coming to clean out her things and settle the estate.

That same scenario also happened a few months ago when a 75-year-old man died alone. He and his daughter were estranged for 20 years. She came afterward for her inheritance.

I always feel sad when I hear about stories like that because I know what they are missing.

They are missing the warmth and comfort of a close family.

No matter what I lose in life - house, possessions and even physical ability - I know I will always have the love and comfort of a caring family.

Like so many families, none of us live near each other. We are scattered across many states.

My daughters have the crammed schedules their work demands. Yet, when the hurricane hit my house they were on the next plane to Florida.

If it weren’t for them I would probably still be sitting in a corner not knowing what to do next.

Even now, more than six months after the hurricane, they still keep me propped up emotionally.

It’s an act of love on their part. But I have to tell the truth and say there are times when we totally disagree about matters big and small.

While we don’t sit around in a love fest and sometime we have to struggle with our emotions, all three of us know the love and respect is always there. It’s paramount.

A while back my daughter Maria called me to say she is so grateful for her sister, Andrea. That warmed my heart.

But then she told me why: “When you are getting on my nerves I like to call my sister because she is the one who best understands.”

That little conversation says more than their mother is sometimes difficult.

It also shows the kind of close relationship I share with my two daughters.

We are close, of course.

But better yet, we are also authentic. There is nothing phony about the relationship the three of us share. We share our honest emotions and share what’s happening in our lives.

Through the years we have learned how to be truthful but gentle. Very gentle.

We have learned, thanks to Maria’s wisdom and bravery, that there are times when we tell each other “I’m not ready to discuss that.”

Or, we say “You already told me that. Let’s not go there again.”

It’s a good way to protect feelings yet still maintain honesty in our relationship.

Do we slip up? Quite a bit.

When we do there is always one of the three of us who can provide good council.

I worked hard when my daughters were young to teach them what I regard as important.

Now, they are often the ones teaching me what is important to them.

One important thing they taught me is the need to say I’m sorry when I say or do something hurtful.

They’ve always been good at apologizing when they hurt someone’s feelings.

Many years ago they told me I never say I’m sorry.

At first, I made a joke about it, saying the only reason why I never apologize is because I’m never wrong.

But then I realized they wouldn’t say that if it wasn’t important to them.

I’ve learned to quickly say I’m sorry when I’m wrong or when I unintentionally cause hurt feelings.

Of course I’m sorry when my words or actions hurt them.

No loving parent deliberately wants to hurt their children. I am ever so thankful that we have the kind of closeness where we can say, “Whoa. That’s hurtful.”

I am also most grateful that every day we tell each other how much we love them.

Growing up, I knew by my mother’s constant care and unselfish actions how much she loved me.

But it bothered me that she never TOLD me she loved me. It bothered me a lot.

It took growing wiser for me to realize my mother never expressed love because she grew up in a home and a family where no one was verbal about their love.

I was the one who started doing it in our family. At first, it made my brother uncomfortable. But I did it anyway until eventually we all were able to verbally share feelings.

One thing I did right with my daughters was to let them know how much they are loved.

I know I am too. They tell me by their words and actions.

I know the love we have for each other is the most precious thing in life.

If you learn to value and appreciate family, you will gain one of life’s riches.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net