Opinion: As fireworks fly, don’t be a Doofus
In many places around the region in the last few weeks, the rockets’ red glare has already begun to fill the night skies.
And as the celebration of America’s 250th birthday continues, the snap, crackle and pop of fireworks displays celebrate a tradition as old as our nation.
Fireworks have been a part of our lives since John Adams declared that Independence Day should be celebrated with “bonfires and illuminations.”
My guess is that he was thinking about some stately display over Independence Hall in Philadelphia, not some guy 250 years later in Lansford putting a match to a mortar in the middle of Kline Avenue.
But here we are.
Fireworks used to be strictly professional events. Who can forget witnessing live — or the television broadcasts of — displays on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. or from barges on the Hudson or East rivers of New York City?
As a kid, I can remember the “oohs and aahs” as the bright colors burst in the dark skies near our home.
Fireworks were something you went to see back then, not something you bought from a tent along a local highway.
But in 2017, that changed in Pennsylvania when consumer laws relaxed making it legal for anyone to walk into a store and walk out with enough aerial shells to make Jim Thorpe look like it was hosting the Olympics.
All you had to do to see the result was look up in any neighborhood. There are more backyard shows, more booms echoing through the Panther Valley and more emergency rooms with Doofuses holding onto their thumbs who — hours earlier — thought “Hold my beer” was a safety plan.
Across the country, fireworks injuries are climbing. The Consumer Product Safety Commission reports thousands of ER visits annually, most spiking around July 4.
While we think our area is different, theories of simple physics still hold true. A misfired firework in Lehighton acts the same way as it does in Las Vegas.
And remember those innocent little sticks we waved as children? Sparklers burn at about 2,000 degrees — hotter than the coal furnace in the basement. You wouldn’t think of handing your kid a branding iron, so why let them run around with sparklers without supervision?
That said, think about a few suggestions before lighting that fuse.
Pick a launch site that’s open and not flammable. The driveway of a home where there are no others within 150 feet could work. A dry patch of grass in the backyard of a duplex on Main Street — or its roof — doesn’t work.
— Keep water nearby. A hose, a bucket or even the neighbor lady’s watering can will work in a pinch.
— Light one at a time. Fireworks displays aren’t a race. Nobody gets extra points for speed.
— Don’t lean over the fuse. If you can smell the powder, you’re too close.
— Don’t try to relight a dud. Just don’t even think about it.
— Soak everything before tossing it. Trash truck drivers and volunteer firefighters will thank you in advance.
Perhaps most important is to remember that booze, beers, and boom-booms don’t mix. A couple, two, three Yuenglings pounded down at a backyard barbecue is enough to draw a DUI for anyone. So why should it be a license for some Doofus to burn down the neighbor’s bungalow?
Speaking of neighbors, keep them in mind, too.
Fireworks can be tough for veterans dealing with PTSD. They can be overwhelming for kids with sensory issues, and especially terrifying for pets.
A little courtesy and forethought can go a long way. A heads-up always helps.
Despite the delusions of even the best patio pyromaniacs, a professional show is still the safest, most spectacular option.
Especially this year, they’ll probably be a little bigger and better than we’ve seen in the past.
The trained crews, choreographed firing systems, safety perimeters and insurance combine for a better presentation than anyone can find in the alley behind their aunt’s house.
The semiquincentennial celebration gives us a chance to keep tradition without repeating mistakes that land Doofuses in emergency rooms with damaged digits and no memories of how they got there.
When watched from afar, fireworks certainly beat a crooked Roman candle shot from a coffee can.
So while we mark our nation’s birthday, let the rockets glare, bombs burst in the air and the sparks fly.
As long as they’re not going sideways.
ED SOCHA | tneditor@tnonline.com
Ed Socha is a retired newspaper editor with more than 45 years’ experience in community journalism.
The foregoing opinions do not necessarily reflect the views of the Editorial Board or Times News LLC.