“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.” Dave Barry, American author and columnist

You can tell a lot about the personalities of people by the way they drive. What you often find out is that their behavior behind the wheel is nothing like that when they are not driving. A friend tells me his wife tailgates everyone in a hurry to go nowhere, but when not driving, she walks slowly, talks slowly, and is still eating after he ‘s been done with his dinner for 15 minutes.

Americans are angry drivers, too. If we had intercoms in our vehicles, you would hardly ever hear, “Please, you go ahead of me and have a nice day” while we drive to work in the mornings.

Comedian Steven Wright said, “You never really learned how to swear until you learned how to drive.” There’s truth to that. Years ago, I pulled in front of a car thinking I did nothing wrong, but when I stopped at a red light, a young woman drove up alongside and cursed me this way to Sunday for cutting her off.

I noticed she had an older woman sitting next to her and a small child in the back seat. I looked through my open window into hers and said, “Well, if that’s your daughter in the back seat, she sure is learning some fine language from Mommy today, wouldn’t you say?” She opened her mouth, but said nothing more and proceeded to speed ahead of me.

Comedian George Carlin said, “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” If that’s a true statement then every day we navigate the roadways through idiots and maniacs.

Speaking of maniacs, there’s nothing more frightening than when you have to stop your car to let someone in front of you make a turn and you look in the rearview mirror at a truck that is coming at you like a speeding bullet.

The other day this exact scenario happened to me while I was stopped on Route 903 in Albrightsville. I squeezed my steering wheel and braced myself to be slammed from behind. The truck driver suddenly braked and his vehicle began swerving and screeching, but luckily his truck stopped inches from my rear bumper.

I threw my hands up as if to say, “What are you doing?” He responded by giving me the bad finger salute.

Long time news anchor, Dan Rather once said, “Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”

How many times does traffic slow to a crawl and we find out that a crash has shifted all cars into one lane. A police car, an ambulance, and a fire truck blow their sirens through us to get to what might be a fatal crash.

No matter that many of us don’t care that someone’s family member may never return home again. Now, because somebody caused a crash, people will be late to work or have to skip stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts for their daily cups of coffee.

Driving can sometimes make us lazy. How often do we get in our cars to drive to a destination a few minutes away? Professional life coach, Craig D. Lounsbrough wrote, “It wasn’t until I slowed the car and rolled down the windows that I realized I spend most of my days driving ‘through’ life without driving ‘in’ life. So, I’ve decided to walk because the pace is slower and the windows are always down.”

I’ve seen people drive from here to there and by the time they get into their cars, start the engines and step on the gas, I could get to where they’re going by foot. Walking is not practical for many destinations for sure, but if there becomes a possibility to step somewhere close enough, I’m kicking my legs out and keeping my car keys in my pocket.

Some things about driving just make you think twice. Why do you need to show a driver’s license to buy liquor when drinking and driving should never should mix?

Here’s another oddity to ponder. We have seat belts and air bags in every vehicle except in school buses. These big yellow things have flashing lights to protect the safety of the children while boarding and exiting, but once they are seated and the “wheels on the bus go round and round,” the kids are free to fall face first into the aisles and bang their heads off the windows if an accident should occur.

And don’t talk to me about the conveniences of driverless vehicles. My answer is no, no way, never, not a chance do I allow one to take me anywhere. I’d rather drive a car that goes 15 miles an hour to get where I’m going.

It might take me a lot longer to get there, but it’s certainly better than snoozing in the back seat and trusting my life with a bunch of hard-wired computer sensors.

Tomorrow is Sunday. Remember when Dad stuffed us in his car and we all went for a Sunday drive to nowhere? That wonderful bit of nostalgia has gone right out the window along with kitchen table family dinners.

I’m supposed to drive five minutes down the street tomorrow to a friend’s house to watch a football game. I think I’ll walk and bring take out.

Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.