It’s impossible to live in the present if you’re caught up in the past.I read that quote a decade ago in a book about grieving. It resonated with me because at the time, three years after my husband Andy passed away, I was still having a hard time moving on.I did everything one is supposed to do to get on with life. I made new friends and tried things I had never done before. I succeeded in staying busy, going home at night only when I was tired and was sure I could sleep.But I went home to a house that screamed, “He’s gone.” Every room of my home reminded me of my husband’s absence. That’s because every little thing I looked at brought to mind our history together.I would arrive home in a peaceful mood then see something like the San Francisco trolley music box that stirred up memories of my happy trip with Andy. Then I was trapped in the past, drowning in too many memories.I could make myself happy in multiple ways, but in my home, surrounded by memories of Andy, I was all too conscious of the hole in my life.After a while I realized the only way to leave the past was to make a clean break.I did that, alright. I moved to Florida where there would be no memories reminding me of what was.Anyone who ever tries to break from the past to make a new life knows it’s not easy. I’ve never smoked but I imagine one way to leave the past behind is somewhat like quitting cigarettes: A complete break is necessary to succeed. At least it was for me.Well, I do admit to temporary insanity in the way I went about it. I resolved I would take nothing with me to Florida except what would fit in my SUV.I cleaned out my closet, taking all my career clothes to Goodwill. I did the same thing with everything in my house. I gave everything away to charity, determined not to take anything with me that will bring along ghosts from the past.Well, I told you it was temporary insanity.I arrived in Florida without the basics I needed. What was I thinking?The first night in my new home the only furniture I had was a sofa bed I bought the day I signed the papers for my new home. That provided me with place to sit while I admired the stunning view from my backyard. Then it became my bed at night.I went to the supermarket for something easy to prepare, but when I got home I realized I didn’t have any eating utensils. Fortunately, the clerk had put a plastic fork in the bag.Little by little I bought what I needed and made a new home for myself. And there definitely was no part of the past there to prevent me from living in the present.I’ve always been a fairly rational person and in a strong sense, I did what I had to do when I made a complete break from the past.I didn’t break way from those who were dear to me, of course. I continue to stay close to my friends. And even those I haven’t seen in years came to Florida with me, even if they don’t know it. They are locked forever in my heart where I store the gratitude I have for the many wonderful people who graced my past.To me, people are forever but stuff is just stuff. I could leave behind almost all of the possessions from my past with only an occasional regret.On occasion I find myself missing things from the past such as the perfect sofa that was so comfortable or the cook pot I used for decades.Now, I find myself missing a favorite CD from my past—the “Dust of our Forefathers Bones” CD made by Lenape Indian Jim Beer and the River.I was privileged to interview and get to know Jim and members of the Lenape Indian turtle clan. They took me with them on a memorable kayak journey down the Delaware River and that trip made Jim’s CD come alive with meaning.Whenever I listened to it at night, it calmed me.But the CD disappeared when I moved.No problem, I figured. The Internet is a wonderful place where we can find anything. In the past I found old books no longer in print and old movies from decades ago.But no matter how much I search, I can’t find that CD. Nor is there current contact information for Jim Beer.I did find a Lenape Native American site offering some merchandise for sale, including one of Jim’s CDs, even though it wasn’t the one I want. I sent in my check with high hopes but it was returned as undeliverable.I tried Facebook, too, with no luck. In this day and age, I didn’t think a well-known musician and his music could disappear but I’m finding only dead ends.Now I have another idea. Maybe readers can help. Is there anyone out there who can help me contact Jim or find that CD?I can be reached at

newsgirl@comcast.net.