Sometimes I sit down, open up my laptop and stare at a blank screen. Minutes pass. Not a word is written and I shut it down. Other times, I begin a column and after a few paragraphs, I quit. My brain’s GPS took me to a dead-end road.

A wordsmith will tell you that writing can be therapeutic and that the language on the page is sometimes for the benefit of the writer more so than the reader.

This column is one of those for me, and the topic has to do with those two appendages I have on either side of my head.

I’ve never been good at listening, but I’ll make you think I am. Let’s say I’m in a disagreement with somebody I’ll call Somebody.

“Have you been listening to me?” asks Somebody.

“I hear what you’re saying!” I’d answer.

The truth be known is that I did hear what was said. I just wasn’t listening. If Somebody told me to repeat what she said, I’d throw back bits and pieces that would prove I wasn’t paying attention enough to understand the full meaning. Not listening reveals an ugly truth about me. I didn’t give her the attention she deserved.

Author Stephen R. Covey wrote, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

The other day I was casually watching a scene from the popular soap opera “General Hospital” with my lady friend. An argument ensued between two of the show’s characters. I couldn’t tell you what they were shouting about, but something else struck me. When one shouted, the other did not interrupt. She listened until it was the script’s time for her to shout back.

It’s too bad we don’t have a script in real life that directs us when to talk and when to listen, something that would certainly help me.

The Center for Creative Leadership talks about the benefit of what’s called active listening.

“Active listening is the ability to focus completely on a speaker, understand what they’re saying, respond and reflect on what’s being said, and retain the information for later. This involves paying attention to the speaker’s body language and tone, as well as the content of their words, keeping both the listener and speaker actively engaged in the conversation.”

So, you and your wife are having this dialogue. She says, “I’m thinking of taking a few horticulture courses at the community college. What do you think?”

“Whatever you want, just go do it,” you reply as you flip TV channels with the remote.

This is the problem. You never removed your eyes from the TV. Your answer to her question implied that you have no real interest in what she wants to do so you give permission without caring. Here’s a better way.

She says, “I’m thinking of taking a few horticulture courses at the community college. What do you think?”

You shut off the TV and make eye contact with her. “Why horticulture?”

“You know I love to make a garden and grow flowers. Learning more about soil and plants will give me the knowledge to do bigger and better things.”

“I think it’s a great idea. I can see how happy you are with a shovel and a rake in your hands.”

The Center for Creative Leadership says that when you actively listen, it conveys the message that what others have to say to you is valuable. This is a way to make them feel reassured and included and that you are interested, open-minded, and supportive.

Author Art Rios wrote: “When I consider the people I admire, a quality most of them share is that they’re very good listeners. You can literally see them listening. You notice that they’re thinking too, and only after they think, do they give a reply to the person they’re talking to. Listening is an incredibly important skill, and good listening is an art. One that requires immense discipline. For many of us, we always want to get in edgewise what we feel is more important to say. Yet, if we would learn to listen more than we speak, we could have better conversations and forge deeper connections. Plus, there would be less misunderstandings in the world.”

I would bet that the best and happiest relationships have partners who really listen to each other. That said, men have a more difficult time listening than women, and here’s some evidence from Psychology Today to prove it.

“Women have learned to listen with their whole body, not just with their ears, and to use that information to understand and build relationships. Men generally have learned to listen to get the facts, be direct, spit it out, not show emotions, make quick judgments, and fix the problem. A man hears what he thinks is enough information and interrupts with a solution. Problem solved. Let’s move along.”

Here’s a scene that perplexes many men like me. A husband is in the living room. His wife walks into the kitchen to get dinner ready.

“Where would you like to go on vacation this summer?” she says in her normal voice.

“Did you say something?” he shouts from the living room. She repeats the question from the kitchen, again in her normal voice.

“I can’t hear you!”

“You’re not listening!

“Come in here if you want to talk,” he shouts.

“I’m making dinner. You come in here.”

“I’m watching something on TV. I’ll be there in a minute.” Thirty minutes later at the dinner table, she says, “So, where we would you like to go?”

“Go where?” he asks.

She says something again as he bites into his food.

“What did you say?” he asks.

“Never mind,” she answers.

I must admit. Women are better at listening than men!

Email Rich Strack at richiesadie11@gmail.com