When confronted by the ignorance of someone like state Rep. Joe D’Orsie, it can be tempting to respond in kind.

Perhaps if D’Orsie’s constituents routinely misgendered him, he would understand the impact of legislation he’s backing that would exempt school employees from honoring the pronouns of LGBTQ+ students.

Instead, we’ll use this as a teachable moment.

First, it’s important to understand that sex and gender are different, even though we sometimes use the words interchangeably.

When we’re born, doctors typically assign a sex based on our genitals: Male, female or intersex, itself a complicated medical term describing a person born with both male and female biological traits.

Gender describes the lived experience of being a man, a woman, a nonbinary person, and so on. Many aspects of gender - blue for boy and pink for girl, for example - have nothing to do with one’s sex. Individuals typically have no control over these gender expressions until they’re older.

Further, we don’t have any control over how other people perceive our gender. People perceive gender based on visual and social cues - one’s clothes, hairstyle, the sound of their voice - that may not correspond whatsoever to sex or gender. The Aerosmith song “Dude Looks Like a Lady” is an example of the difference between gender expression and gender perception.

Transgender people often describe the experience of realizing that their gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth - and the gender expression that their families continued to enforce through childhood.

Nonbinary, meanwhile, is an umbrella term that describes people whose gender identity and expression fall outside the strictures of the male/female or man/woman binary.

Individuals whose gender is different from the sex they were assigned at birth or whose gender expression falls outside the binary sometimes take on new names or use pronouns that are different from the ones they used as children. And some people choose not to label themselves at all.

People don’t take changing their name or pronouns lightly. It’s typically the result of years of consideration and reflects who they are at their core. Misgendering someone or using a former name - sometimes described as a “deadname” - is a deeply disrespectful act.

Respecting a person’s gender isn’t difficult, and a lot of it comes down to basic human dignity or following the Golden Rule.

First, if you - like Steven Tyler - aren’t sure which pronoun to use, ask.

Don’t assume that a person who has disclosed to you that they are nonbinary or transgender is open about that fact with everyone. Avoid sharing the information unless you have the person’s permission.

Further, don’t ask sensitive personal questions - for example, about whether the person plans to undergo gender reassignment surgery. If the person feels comfortable sharing that information, they will without your prompting.

If you slip up and misgender or deadname someone, apologize and move on. One tip to avoid slip-ups, particularly if you’ve known someone by a different name, is to go out of your way to repeat the person’s name and pronouns. Later on, you could describe all the things you like about the person using their name and pronouns.

Ultimately, remember that LGBTQ+ people are people.

We all - even Mr. D’Orsie - should be judged by the content of our character, not by our gender.

York Dispatch