By Pattie Mihalik

Decades ago Nat King Cole crooned this question: “Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”

Way back then my answer was yes. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have known that love in the first place.

That’s because I believed back then that love is never a wasted emotion. When we love someone we light up our own inner being. And I believe we light up our part of the world with that love.

Now that I’m much older I believe even more strongly that love is never wasted. It makes us better and it makes us happier.

If it doesn’t last, I reason it doesn’t take away past happy times.

I’ve been thinking about that this week because of an experience with a couple I greatly esteem.

When I first moved here this wonderful couple took me under their wings and made life a lot nicer because of their friendship.

To protect their privacy, let’s call them Mork and Mindy.

I met them while I was going for a neighborhood walk during my very first week here. Right from the start I liked them a lot.

Right after they realized I was new to the neighborhood, they appeared at my door with a big cactus as a welcome gift.

I didn’t like the way the cactus stabbed me whenever I got too near to it. But I valued it because they cared enough to give it to me. When I look at that big cactus today, I still think about how welcome Mork and Mindy made with feel.

Back then, when I wanted to make pasta for all of us, I realized I didn’t have a big enough pot. I didn’t have much when I first moved in.

Mindy took care of that by giving me the nicest big pot, perfect for soup and pasta.

That was 12 years ago, but I still think of her fondly every time I use it.

Every Friday night Mork and Mindy took me along with them to dinner. They did so much for me right up until the time they moved.

It was strange the way they left. They never told me or our other friends they were going to move to another part of the state. Instead, they quietly sold their home, packed up their belongings and disappeared from the neighborhood.

I always felt sorry I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.

I still think about them a lot. It’s impossible not to because when I look around my house I see the work Mork did for me. Sure I paid him, but nothing like his work was worth.

What I always especially liked about Mork was his sense of values. He walked away from his very high-paying job because he realized it was consuming his life to the point that he had no other life except work.

He settled for a job that paid a fraction of what he was making before. But he gained a new full life.

Well, this week I went to my mailbox and was surprised to see Mork and Mindy visiting a neighbor across the street. I ran over there like a little kid, saying how happy I was to see them again.

Although I invited them to visit me when they left the neighbor’s house, they never came and never called.

A few days later I saw on Facebook they had a get-together with about 10 other people.

I was sad to realize I must think a lot more highly of them than they do of me.

That’s when the song came to mind: Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

That question can apply to one’s love life or just to anyone you hold dear.

I don’t think love of any kind is ever wasted. Love is a renewable resource. We’re not limited to how much love we can give way. The more we give, the more we get back. And if we don’t get it back?

We still gain.

When I was waiting at the YMCA for aqua aerobics to begin, I struck up a conversation with another woman about our upcoming plans for Thanksgiving.

She said she was cooking for her entire family, along with her ex-husband and his present girlfriend. They were married for 12 years and had two children together before he left her for a much younger woman, she said.

When I told her I thought she was pretty special to entertain the man who walked out on their marriage and their children, she said she refuses to harbor negative emotions.

Instead of hating her husband, she said she remembers the love they shared. “Plus, he’ll always be the father of our children, so it’s actually easier for our kids,” she said.

Obviously, this is one woman who would think it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Personally, when someone I care about drops out of my life, I still prefer to think with fondness of all the good times we shared.

Mentally, I keep sending good vibrations their way.

People can come in and out of our life. But the imprint they make on us can remain positive, if we let it.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.