My husband and I often marvel how alike we are.

Being active every day is important to us, and we both like the same activities.Thankfully, biking, kayaking and dancing are top enjoyments for us. We are both avid readers so we also enjoy the same kind of quiet activity.My girlfriends and I often comment on how sharing mutual interests is more important after retirement than it is during our work years.When a couple is busy earning a living and raising a family, that IS their important mutual interest.It doesn't matter if one prefers an active lifestyle and the other doesn't because there isn't much free time or money when you're raising a family.But after retirement if one partner only wants to stay home and the other one wants to be on the go all the time, that conflict of interests can lead to feeling isolated in marriage.Marriage counselors tell us retirement is often a stressful time for couples, often leading to divorce."When they are no longer working together to raise a family, couples often discover they have nothing in common," one therapist said.Or, when one wants to retire and move to a warmer climate and the other partner wants to stay put, conflicts can escalate, she claims.When I interviewed her for the paper, I didn't give it much credence when she first told me why couples sometimes separate later in life. But the more people I meet who experienced that firsthand, the more I realize she might be right.David and I have what we call "a late-in-life marriage." Neither one of us ever thought what we call our Second Blessing would ever happen to us.To be truthful, we never would have gotten together if we didn't share the same interests. We met when I joined a new kayak club where David was president. Kayaking, of course, has always been a passion of mine.The more we talked, the more we were amazed at how much else we have in common.It's not just our activity preference where we are alike. It's the "little stuff" of life where our similarities surprise us.For instance, I love flavored coffee. I enjoy trying different flavors and especially like blueberry, pumpkin and banana nut coffee.Most guys like regular coffee, preferring the strong ones to fruity flavors. Not David. Fortunately, his taste is exactly like mine.The same is true of politics, too. Even in this topsy-turvy presidential campaign our views seem to mesh.But there also are so many ways we differ, which is to be expected when we grew up in different parts of the country, almost in a different decade.David claims to be "just an Iowa farmer" while I proudly proclaim my coal region roots. Where and when you grew up certainly helps shape us.Take peanut butter and jelly, for instance. We both love that common staple, but in different ways.One simple sandwich I enjoy is peanut butter and banana. David never heard of that combination before we met. For his part, he thinks peanut butter and jelly calls for meatloaf. Go figure.I can't believe he has never tasted a pierogie and says he probably never wants to.The coal region foods I fondly regard as "foods of the gods" are all the ethnic favorites my mother made - haluskie, pierogies, kluskie and potato cakes all tickle my taste buds.My husband never had any of that and has no idea what he's missing.When a couple gets married when they are young, they tend to form a mutual identity. Young married couples haven't formed their own patterns of living. They do that over the years, building their own family routines and traditions.When you are married late in life, those routines, traditions and personal viewpoints are already formed.For David and me, during the six years of our marriage, one of the things I have most regretted is our differing view on birthday celebrations.I am absolutely sentimental about birthdays, both mine and that of others. I have always made a big deal out of friends and family's birthdays.And I consider myself blessed that others always made a big deal out of my birthday, too.OK, here's the big difference. David's idea of celebrating a spouse's birthday was picking out a perfect card. Period.My idea of what I want a birthday to be is doing everything to have a very special day. I have never bought into the belief that a birthday is just another day.I have always done something special for my birthday, even if it was only going to Trexler Game Preserve or a day trip to the Poconos.When I married David, I planned a special trip for each of his birthdays, putting a lot of planning into each detail.I was sadly disappointed in the past when that wasn't reciprocated.But here's what happened. We have done what many married couples do - we evolved toward each other's views.He now plans a special birthday trip for me. In turn, I seem to have evolved into a more frugal person - frugality being one of his main traits.Did we change? No, we evolved. Or melted together. Or whatever one calls sharing the same outlook.Maybe it's just called marriage.Contact Pattie Mihalik at

newsgirl@comcast.net.