It's my second week of my retirement. OMG! What have I done? I am soooooooooo bored!

NOT!Sorry. Couldn't help myself. I also can't wipe the stupid grin off my face, which seems to have become a permanent condition.I wish I could say I've accomplished a lot already but the truth is, I don't think I've got the hang of this yet.I start out with good intentions.Like putting away all my office stuff. Monday morning I made piles on the dining room table to go through.It took me my whole first week to finally see it all cleared off. I'd find something which would send me looking for something in another room, where I'd end up cleaning my vanity table, scrubbing the toilet, playing a game of solitaire, reading a chapter in a book, watching an old black-and-white Bette Davis movie (aren't they just the best?), making a pot of cream of carrot soup, answering emails.Is this normal? I wondered. So I looked it up on the Internet. Apparently it is.It's called A. A. A. D. D. Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder, a classic retirement syndrome.Then I was going to spend some time writing out my thank you cards.As I was digging through my desk cabinet looking for them, I came across a pack of blank card stock. Hmmm, I thought. Why don't I paint my own thank you card? Which I did.Of course it took me the rest of the day and then I had to wait until I could get to the printer to have them printed … so, they'll be a little late.I promised myself that I would take one day and spend it in bed. Just to see what it was like. The weather cooperated beautifully. It snowed all Sunday night and early Monday morning.It was dark and a perfect sleeping-in day. OK. I had to get up to pee two times. But after each time, I went back to bed. When I decided I couldn't stand not knowing what was going on in the world any longer, I watched "Good Morning America."Determined still not to get up yet, I snuggled under the covers and fell back asleep. But then I had a nightmare.I was swimming in my pool (which means it was a hot summer day … sigh) when I started to notice the bottom didn't look too clean.In fact, I dove under and found, first one dead mouse, then another, then a dead rat. I looked off to the deeper end and saw some heavy duty algae buildup and thought, "I'm going to have to talk to that pool boy of mine."As I swam closer, this huge mouth opened up and all I could see were dozens of sharp teeth. As I backed away, this alligator came swimming toward me. Just as he was about to close those big ugly teeth around my ankle … I woke up.And had to pee.My back hurt from lying too long.I was wide-awake.I gave up on the idea of spending the rest of the day in bed.I came to the conclusion that it's unrealistic. I think it's just a dream of all those who work and can't stay in bed as long as they want to. It's something for song writers and authors to perpetuate a myth about ... staying in bed all day long with their lover. (That subject is of course a whole other column and probably not fit for a newspaper. I'm just saying … two seniors, making love all day is an oxymoron. Am I right, ladies?And the whole time we'd be thinking about all the housework we have to do …)And what do you do when you get hungry? Call for takeout?I'd have to get up and answer the door.Then I'd feel bad about my appearance and have to comb my hair, put clothes on and brush my teeth. Heck, if I'm going to do that, I might as well stay up!Which is what I did. Get up. Not order takeout. I made it to 10 a.m. So much for staying in bed all day.I heard from a classmate of mine, Don Stoy, who offered me his observations of retirement."Having been retired for over three years, I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject. I think the best part of retirement is having nothing to do, but realizing that you have all day to do it. Seriously, there are days when I wonder how I ever found time to work. There is always something to keep me occupied."I'll keep you posted on how it's going. And if you have any retirement advice and observations, pass 'em on! Until next time, I'll leave you with this bit of retirement humor …How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day.Egads! That's me!