In the past I have printed some of the funny headlines that make it into newspapers and some funny statements made by lawyers in court. Today, a favorite target, politicians.

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Dan Quayle."I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president" Hillary Clinton."The world is more like it is now then it ever has before" Dwight Eisenhower."I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting" Ronald Reagan."We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." Al Gore."If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate"- Mayor Marion Barry."If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure" Dan Quayle."Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25" Sen. Mary Anne Tebedo."What's a man got to do to get in the top fifty?" Bill Clinton, on a survey ranking the Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most significant story of the century."I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents" Gov. George Wallace."I have opinions of my own strong opinions but I don't always agree with them" George W. Bush."You can't just let nature run wild" Former Gov. Wally Hickel of Alabama."I cannot tell you how grateful I am I am filled with humidity" Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis."It's wonderful to be here today in the great state of Chicago" Dan Quayle."Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again" Sen. Chris Dodd, on the campaign trail."Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive", but, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same" Sen. Barbara Boxer."She's a wonderfun, wonderfun person, and we're looking to a happy and wonderful night ... un, life" Sen. Ted Kennedy about his then fiancee."I don't known anyone here that's been killed by a handgun" Rep. Avery Alexander."What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is" Dan Quayle."You know, Tim, that's one of the things that will be debated" New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin in response to Tim Russert asking why he didn't use buses to evacuate residents in accordance with the city's evacuation plan."You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy" Bill Clinton, looking at the recently-discovered Inca mummy "Juanita".You notice Dan Quayle got a lot of space. In fact, I could have filled the column with just his quotes. So, the final one comes from him.''I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.''