By PATTIE MIHALIK

newsgirlcomcast.netOne of my daughter's favorite phrases seems to be: What is, is.If we're talking about her pressure cooker schedule, she shrugs it off with "What is, is."She has the same response to dealing with a difficult person. What is, is.The phrase never seemed to have much meaning for me until I realized what it's saying is to accept life, or, what is called "what is" without stressing over it.It sounds easy. It's not.I have to admit I'm the kind of person who keeps asking why. Did that ever since I was a kid.Every now and then someone tells me I analyze things too much. That's true. When I took the Myers-Briggs personality test, my tendency to analyze everything came through loud and clear as a dominant trait.Sometimes, that trait helps me make smarter decisions. Other times, it holds me back.Even my dance teacher commented on it. "Stop thinking and stop trying to analyze the step pattern. Just feel the rhythm and do it," she said.When someone acts like a jerk, I'm the one who always tries to figure out the motive behind the behavior.Sometimes the answer is exactly what my daughter says. What is, is. Sometimes a person acts like a jerk because they are. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it because there is nothing you can do about it.There are times when saying that dumb mantra helps me shrug things off.Take, for instance, my recent fast trip to a grocery store. At the checkout counter, I presented my $10 coupon. It expired the day before but the manager at the desk said he would honor it.The clerk refused. When the manager told her it was OK, she was snorting like a charging bull as she bagged my order, slamming everything, including eggs, into the bag. The rest of the transaction didn't go smoothly either.I walked away wondering why she reacted like that. It wasn't like the $10 was coming out of her wallet. But then I shrugged and reminded myself of that dumb expression. What is, is.I think that helps some situations in a marriage, too.Take something as simple as doing the dishes. That simple task involves a lot of give and take in our house.I consider myself extremely lucky that David does the bulk of dishwashing. He says I cook so he cleans up. Wonderful. Who wouldn't love a man like that?But he refuses to use our dishwasher, even when I point out it makes the glasses cleaner without smudges. He refuses to use the garbage disposal, too. Says it may clog the drain. Everything gets thrown in the garbage.I think it's dumb not to use the appliances we have.We all have idiosyncrasies. My idiosyncrasy that confounds David is that I pull everything out while I'm cooking and don't put things away until I'm finished. He prefers to have everything put away as soon as it is used. He often "helps" by putting ingredients away before I am finished with them.We both have to say, what is, is.That phrase came to mind in an airport as I was waiting for luggage with more than 200 other passengers. We were waiting for an hour, and still, no sign of our luggage.We all had used the last of our patience when the flight was delayed three different times before departure. Finally, the airline assigned us a plane that had just arrived from Germany.The plane was great with lots of space and even free movies. It was making us feel better about our delayed flight until we couldn't get our luggage.I was thinking our luggage was sent someplace else and the airline was trying to locate where.Just then an airline representative came to tell us what was going on. The door to the cargo area malfunctioned and couldn't be opened. They were waiting for mechanics to arrive to fix the problem, she said, adding that no one knew how long that would take.That was it. Bedlam broke out. Passengers who had sat in an airport all day got in a screaming match with the poor woman who delivered the bad news.It took one old man to restore order. "What is, is," he said. "Screaming won't get that door open one minute faster."Again, the message behind the dumb phrase delivered one of life's truths. When you can't change the situation, your only choice is to accept what is.The old man told the crowd he had arranged for a taxi service to pick him up from the airport. He kept walking outside to ask the driver not to leave. But he stayed calm because what else could he do?There are plenty of times in everyday life when "what is, is" sounds like a sensible conclusion.Your boss is mean?What is, is.It rains for three days straight?What is, is.I believe in the wisdom found in the Serenity Prayer.Change what is in your power to change.And accept what you cannot change.If you're frustrated by what you can't change, you can just mutter, "What is, is."The more I think about that dumb phrase, the more I know it's not so dumb after all.