I always feel stupid when I buy a new car.

Let's start with the word, "dealership." The root word is "deal."It's an ugly word. Gamblers deal cards. The guy on the street deals drugs. The salesman in the showroom is going to give me a deal on a new car. To me the word means the same thing in all these scenarios.I'm going to lose.Years ago, a salesman asked me to write down a number of how much I wanted to spend on a new car. I wrote a hundred bucks. He laughed and said, "I can't do that, but I can sell you the car for my cost."When I didn't fall for that line, he asked me to write a check for the down payment so he could get me an even better deal. I had to look down to see if I was wearing my idiot shirt that day.How about the claim of $5,000 off the sticker price? This could be true, but that cost is probably front-loaded on the MSRP. And don't tell me I'm saving money when I'm spending 30 grand and making monthly payments for the next four years.Here's another good one I continue to hear on radio station ads. "If you can find a lower price anywhere, we'll give you the car for free."First of all, Joe Schmoe's Auto Sales is not going to write down an official price of his car so you can take it down the street and buy the auto from his competitor. Even if you do walk in with a lower price, the competitor would have to beat it by only a penny or a dollar.The bottom line is no one ever gets the free car.Then there are those dealerships that send mail telling you if the three scratch-offs match you win a prize. So I was a "guaranteed winner" of $1,000.I knew it was trap, but I called anyway and told them I had "won."What I did win was a chance to win the money. Show up and pick a ticket under the $1,000 prize sign. You'll win something cheap. Somebody does win the money, I guess. I wonder if that person buys a car.Some dealerships are run like carnivals. On promotion days, there are balloons, free hot dogs and loud music. Does this scene make you want to buy a car or are you looking for a free lunch and some entertainment for the kids?I wish they would just keep it all simple. No fanfare. Here's the price. Take it or leave, and don't tell me to look at the luxury model when I'm checking out the economy car. My uncle used to say you'd better not have a taste for champagne if all you can afford is beer.The truth is when you buy a new car you are really buying the salesman. I guess I'm weird, but I'm more drawn to the salesman who acts like he couldn't care less if I buy than the one who wears the gold watch, the silk tie and smells like he fell into a pool of Old Spice cologne.One time I was indecisive about buying a car and I said to the salesman that I couldn't really decide after taking a short test drive. It's like if I walk into a mattress store and say that I'll take this one after lying down on it for half a minute."Take the car home for the weekend," he said. "Come back Monday and turn it back in if you don't want it."Now that was salesmanship. I bought the car.I knew someone who didn't have the finances to buy a top-of-the-line sports car. She drove one off the lot with a smile on her face and a payment of $475 dollars a month for the next five years. The Repo Man showed up one night and took her car away.Maybe that dealership should hand out free "I'm stupid" T-shirts to customers who walk out with a "deal" like that.Rich Strack can be reached at

katehep11@gmail.com.