The assistant that I have for my main occupation is an outright traitor.

Don't get me wrong, she learned her duties very quickly when she came on board with us last December and we get along quite well; but the truth of the matter is, she is a rat-fink traitor.I smoked for most of my life and then "quit" about 10 years ago.That lasted, for the most part, a couple of years with the exception of me sneaking one or two cigs a year in when I became really stressed.Then, when things got really stressful, I would buy a pack, which I of course had to finish so as not to waste money.That started happening more and more frequently over the past few years until I finally came to grips with the fact that I was a smoker once again.I even changed my brand over to a menthol because that is what my friend smoked and I would bum or buy a cigarette off of her when I visited.Most people didn't know that I smoked, and that is partly because I never really smoked a whole lot in a week.Where most people smoked a pack or more a day, my average was a pack a week, again, unless I was really stressed (which is far too often)On the day of the betrayal by my assistant whose name is Stephanie by the way I was outside enjoying a cigarette when Stephanie, the traitor, answered a phone call from my daughter and proceeded to tell her that I was outside smoking.My daughter had been under the impression that I had quit, and the news was most displeasing to her.When I came back into the office, the traitor simply said that my daughter had called and made no mention of the fact that she had dimed me out to my offspring.I came to that realization later in the day when I received a rather gut-wrenching and guilt-inducing text from that same daughter.It was a photo of my precious 2-year-old grandbaby with a concerned look on her face and holding a big white sign that said "Please don't smoke Mimi … I want you around for a LONG TIME! I LOVE YOU!"Talk about a POW to the heart.As I looked at the expression on her sweet little face and thought about the words on that poster board, I got a little misty; and then, to be honest, a little perturbed that my granddaughter was being used to guilt-trip me into quitting.Although I hate the way it smells, and the sinus headaches and asthma issues it causes, I really like smoking.It relaxes me and I genuinely enjoy it.I don't want to quit.If I quit, then I know I will eat more, and that is the last thing I need to be doing.No, I don't want to and I always end up failing.I looked at the photo again and decided to make it the background on my phone.I had about a half pack of cigs left and decided I would revisit the idea when I had smoked them all.Boy, was Stephanie going to get an earful from me the next week.Later that night, I decide to go outside to enjoy the fresh air, and then pollute it by enjoying a smoke.As I was out there puffing away, I became involved in a conversation which delivered some rather unpleasant news that stopped me dead in my tracks.It would seem that someone that I have known and respected for over 20 years had developed lung cancer (from smoking) and may not have very long to live.After the initial shock wore off, I looked down at that cigarette in my hand, took another two puffs and put it out.I then went inside and crushed the rest of the pack.It was almost painful.A quick glance at my phone reinforced my decision.The first day as a nonsmoker (again) wasn't too bad, but with each passing day it became more and more difficult.I was cranky and wanting to eat everything in sight, and my mouth hurt from all of the hard-core gum chomping.By day four I broke down and had one, but looking again at that little face made me feel like a piece of garbage, and I vowed to not give in again.If by the time you read this I am still smoke-free, it will have been three weeks.It is a daily struggle, but I survived a night out with friends and an adult beverage and then another night at a friend's house with her smoking right in front of me, and I feel they were two good tests that I was able to pass.I also feel that success is within my grasp considering I have two motivators to keep me on track, along with one rat-fink of an assistant who I know will keep me accountable whether I want her to or not. (Love you, Steph.)I want to say that this is it.No more.Ever.But all I can do is try my best to keep it that way.The struggle is real, and it will be a daily battle.As for the increased appetite that often accompanies quitting, I figure that I will try not to be too hard on myself initially and then after a few weeks, will work on that much-needed aspect of my health because as "luck" would have it, Stephanie is also a personal trainer.Coincidence?