Sometimes what looks like a winner flops.

That’s what I think happened with the scheduled talk and audience participation that was supposed to be the highlight of our day.

The subject was John Izzo’s book, “The Five Thieves of Happiness.” The book promises to tell us how to recover our joy.

Our community center at South Port does a great job scheduling entertainment that is that is both educational and interesting. This week’s podcast discussion promised to be another winner.

I’m sure you noticed the many articles springing up with tips about how to be happy. It’s definitely what they call a hot topic.

I was especially interested in the audience participation that was to follow.

I had hoped to get an answer to my burning question about why there is suddenly so much interest in the topic.

I keep going back in my memory and I can’t remember any discussion years ago about how to be happy. I never heard the topic discussed until recent years.

Why is that?

Was it because the topic “way back then” wasn’t high on our radar?

Were we less self-involved with thinking about our own emotions, or was there more general satisfaction than we now have?

I looked forward to audience participation for some answer.

Well, we were all surprised when there was no audience participation. And to tell the truth, there was very little that we heard from the author, Dr. Izzo.

He was being interviewed for the podcast by a guy who thought the audience wanted to hear him, not the author.

But the worst part was when they suddenly said it was over. Before it really began.

I can tell you the audience was stunned.

The promo for the discussion was a full page in our newspaper all week.

I thought if I went to the talk by the author the attendance would tell me how much interest people had in the subject. It was well attended, with way more women than men. But that’s typical.

While it never materialized, I decided to do my own interviews with the crowd. I asked if they found it hard to make new friends. Some women spoke up and admitted they had to work hard to find their own happiness.

It doesn’t come easy.

I agreed with that assessment.

Perhaps the older you get the more you have to work at finding your own happiness.

When we are raising our children we have a built in crowd — other parents.

Then, after the kids are gone from home many of us are active doing what we never had time to do. That’s when we look for outside activities to keep us busy.

What we learned about happiness is this: We make our own happiness.

The answer isn’t in a book. It’s within us.

Four months ago I moved to a senior living complex. Yes, there are a lot of people wanting to make new friends. But it seldom happens automatically.

I have always believed that the people in my life give me satisfaction. If we are lucky, they also give us joy.

But it’s not easy finding compatible people.

When my granddaughter Sophie started college she was pleased to have so many new people in her life.

But then she told me that she had to find “her people.” She called it searching for “her tribe.”

You have to have something in common with someone for a friendship to bloom.

During our open conversation that day I was glad that women spoke up about their experiences.

One woman said she joined several clubs as a means to make new friends. But she said others were friendly but after the class was over people hurried away.

So, what was missing? What do you think?

I believe the “next step” has to be doing something like suggesting getting together for lunch. Or, going for a walk. Again, it’s up to us to make the effort.

There was one woman in particular whom I related to. She seemed to have some my own beliefs, and I appreciated how lively and open she was during our discussions.

So I took the next step. I asked if she wanted to get together with me at our coffee shop. We exchanged phone numbers and made plans to meet again.

Now we have to follow through.

Sometimes that’s all it takes for a friendship to develop.

Many years ago when I was on a kayak trip I paddled up to several women and introduced myself, asking where they were from. We discovered one woman lived around the corner from me. Of course I made plans to meet her after our kayak trip.

What I liked about her was that she was game for whatever I asked her to do. We played tennis together then took an exercise class together.

It was the beginning of a true friendship that is still going strong after 20 years. She is a true friend.

But Jeanne admits our friendship wouldn’t have started if I didn’t invite her to join me in fun activities.

Are you looking for a friend? Why don’t you invite someone to get together with you? Then let me know if it worked.

Email Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net