At first when I started hearing people talk about the power of following the “let them” theory, it didn’t sound like a game changer.

I thought it was basically just letting people be who they want to be without trying to change them.

But the more I read and listen to others talk about how it helps them, the more I can appreciate it does have merit.

While “The Let Them Theory” is a simple, easy to read book, the concepts behind “let them” are changing the way many people think.

In particular, it’s changing relationships for the simple reason that it helps us stop trying to control other people. The author says we all have an innate desire to change everything about our lives.

At first I found myself shaking my head, thinking I know better than to believe I can control my life.

Yes, I can control much about how I live my life, but day to day much of what happens to me and around me isn’t in my control.

The author says all humans have a hardwired need to control. We have an innate desire to control everything about our lives. Feeling in control makes us feel comfortable and safe, she says.

While that may be true, and it’s true that we control much of what we do, I don’t believe we are totally in control. I’m the one operating the control switch. But much of what happens to me is beyond my control.

Take today, for instance. I had a simple day planned, getting up early to have blood work done then going to pay my homeowners insurance that’s due tomorrow.

I did neither of those things because on my way there a terrible auto crash had traffic tied up.

That one crash became two wrecks that involved the car I was in. A driver slammed into our car, pushing us along the median strip and tearing up five traffic signs that became embedded in our shattered windshield.

Thank God that Pauline was driving because she’s a strong professional driver who was able to keep control of the wheel as our car was being pushed from behind.

Our car was one of two that had to be towed away, while the guy that caused the crash was airlifted to a trauma center.

Pauline had back and neck injuries and had to go to the hospital. All I could do was to say, Thank you, God, that we weren’t killed.

As so often happens, nothing was in my control.

Author Mel Robbins says we try to control everyone and everything around us, without realizing it.

“But the fact is there is one thing you will never be able to control. No matter how hard you try you will never be able to control or change one person,” she says.

If we let go of trying to control others we are giving ourselves less stress and more freedom.

The author says that for too long we have been working against the law of human nature. We’ve been fighting to change people, battling to control situations. In doing so we create stress in our life.

I would like to believe I don’t do that, but when I think about my life I know I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to change others.

I think of it as trying to help them. The book points out we can best help by giving others the freedom to live their live without trying to control them.

If you find yourself talking to someone and telling them what they should or shouldn’t do, is that trying to control them? Or is it simply suggesting something you believe will help?

Some of us are fixers. If someone tells us a problem they are having, we don’t just listen. If we can, we try to fix their problem.

I find I mostly do that with those I love. I don’t like to see loved ones with big problems if I can help.

After reading the “The Let Them Theory,” I wondered if I push too hard when I’m trying to help my daughter Maria.

For example, she paid for a major firm to pack her things and drive everything to Florida. But almost three weeks later nothing had arrived and the company didn’t give her any indication when the moving van would arrive.

I’d never heard of it taking that long and I kept pushing Maria to demand answers.

She said it would come when it comes and not one day sooner. She wanted me to back off because there was nothing she could do to get it there faster, and all I was doing was adding pressure to her life.

After I read the book I wondered if I needed to step back and let my daughter solve her own problems.

When I asked, she said that yes, I am sometimes too pushy trying to tell her what to do.

So I am realizing she is a capable adult. I need to step back and let her solve her own problems instead of trying to control what she does.

The book reminds us to focus on controlling our own thought and actions.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

Email Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net