Here is some more Saturday humor compliments of my friends. The first subject is beer.

Sometimes, after playing golf, I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.

If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

I think, “It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” - Babe Ruth

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“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” - Winston Churchill

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“When I read about the evils of drinking after golfing I gave up reading.” - Paul Horning

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“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” - H.L. Mencken

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“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin,

We go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” - George Bernard Shaw

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“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” - Benjamin Franklin

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“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” - Dave Barry

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Remember “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser. - Professor Irwin Corey

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To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can! - Leo Durocher

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One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:

“Well, ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

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And for those people of a certain age:

And on the eighth day, God created seniors.

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Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that a senior become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So, if you find, as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

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Nine important facts to remember as we grow older

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the ‘60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Here’s how bad the economy is:

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

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CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

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Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 congressmen.

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McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

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Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

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A picture is now only worth 200 words.

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Hope you enjoyed. Have a great day and weekend.