A conversation that occurred a long time ago still stays in my head.

At a banquet for one of my professional groups, I sat with a woman I had gotten to know over the years. She usually came with her husband and they appeared to be a great couple.But Judy’s news was that she had divorced her husband. That happens. She had her 12-year-old son with her, and as we talked it became evident she also wanted her son to divorce his dad.“My son has me. He doesn’t need a dad,” Judy asserted with the same kind of authority as a judge issuing a final decree.Because of my own background as a child of divorce, I couldn’t let that statement go unchallenged, especially when I looked at the youngster’s sad face.“Ask him,” Judy ordered. “He’ll tell you he doesn’t need a father.”So I asked him if he wanted his father out of his life.“No,” he said. “But she doesn’t want me to say how much I miss my dad.”I really related to that boy. I remember the sadness I felt when my own father was 132 miles away with his new family.Yes, he came to see me. Yes, I knew my dad loved me. But there were so many times when I longed to have my dad with me.Even as a grown-up, whenever I won a contest or achieved something important, I wanted to share it with my dad.I will never forget the first time I won the column-writing division in the Philadelphia Press Association writing contest. My winning column was called “Melody of Love” and it centered on my loving relationship with my father.The column talked about how my dad always did everything with me. He would take me roller skating when I was a teenager, teaching me how to waltz on skates. I remember the song “Melody of Love” was playing as we waltzed around the rink.I was looking forward to having my father with me during the awards banquet, especially since he was the subject of my column.Sadly, Dad said he longed to come but he couldn’t. My stepmother needed him there because she wasn’t feeling that great.When does a child stop missing a father?Never.But I was lucky to have my dad for the first 10 years of my life. No matter where he went, he took me with him. I remember the time Dad’s friend asked him why he took me with them to a high school football game. “She’s not even in high school,” complained the friend.“No, but she’s fun,” said my dad.I just got finished reading that a child sees himself through the eyes of his father. That’s especially true with daughters. Some sociologists tell us a daughter’s self-esteem is connected to how she sees herself in the eyes of her father.I have no trouble believing that. My father only had a grade-school education before he had to leave school to work in the mines. Yet, he seemed to know more about the psychology of child raising that my husband and I learned in all our years of college.If I went to my dad to ask him what I should do about a particular problem, he wouldn’t tell me what to do. He would ask my thoughts then say, “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”When a father keeps telling a daughter she’s smart and fun to be with, that daughter lives up to his faith in her.I guess that’s why professor Brad Wilcox noted that researchers have found that dads are more likely than moms to encourage their kids to take on challenges and to think for themselves.Studies empirically demonstrate that dads play an extremely important role in a child’s well-being and success.OK, I know that all fathers are not created equally. Some men are lousy fathers, inflicting more harm than good on the emotional strength of their children.I suppose that’s why studies conclude that men without fathers or with harmful fathers are much more likely to do jail time.But for the fathers who do get involved in their children’s lives, the rewards are incredible, both for them and for their kids.My father often told my sister, my brother and me that he had everything he needed in life when he had the love of his children.I remember so many Father’s Days when I wanted to give my father something special to show how much I loved him.When my siblings and I would question dad to see what he most wanted, he would always say he just wanted our love.It took me a few years to realize what made my father happy was nothing wrapped in a box. But I could make his Father’s Day special by traveling to his house with a cooked meal and a cake.Although my father has passed away, his lasting legacy of love is something I will always treasure.Happy Father’s Day to every dad who is there for his children.Contact Pattie Mihalik at

newsgirl@comcast.net.