Almost every family has one.

After you read the next sentence, you'll probably say, "Oh yeah, that's my cousin, Larry, or my daughter, Julie. You know who it is, the black sheep of the family or the lost child, the scorned parent, the ones who have emotionally detached themselves from the rest of us and hold such a grudge that they won't call, visit, or even let us know they are still alive somewhere.Some disconnected relatives harbor these feelings over what we think are silly matters.At a family get-together, Aunt Mary overhears people complaining about her potato salad, and now she hasn't attended another family function in three years. Sisters-in-law Louise and Nancy's children throw punches at a family picnic. Each blames the other's child. Now Nancy asks if Louise and her kids will attend Thanksgiving dinner because she won't come if they come.Other situations are much more serious and can result in tragic consequences. Lorrie hasn't seen her only brother in 12 years because she reprimanded him once for smoking marijuana. He refuses to allow his sister to speak to his son, who happens to also be her godchild. Now she says she couldn't care less if her brother lives or dies.A few years ago, I knew a young man, David, who had completely cut the cord from his mother and father, who had lovingly raised him for 25 years. He believed that his parents had favored his two brothers while growing up and the matter came to a yelling and cursing head at a family party fueled by too much alcohol. His mother later became terminally ill. The next time David would see her was when he received a call to come to the hospital to pay his final respects. He collapsed in the room, asking his dead mother's body for forgiveness. His father told David, "Mom died with such sadness in her heart because you wouldn't even speak to her in the past two years."Doesn't it make you wonder why we often have closer relationships with our friends than we do with certain members of our family? While growing up, I had plenty of justified ammunition to fire at my parents, but I always walked unarmed when I was with my friends. Younger, and more stubborn, I never said, "I love you," or "I'm sorry" nearly enough to those who lived with me. Age and experience have brought along the selflessness to say these words, and what a freeing experience of trust and acceptance!Not all grudges last forever. You hear about couples who fought through ugly divorces. Then, after the papers are stamped, they date each other. "I really love my wife," you hear. "I just can't live with her." Recently, I read about a son who hadn't spoken with his father for 26 years. He wrote a letter asking for forgiveness and reconciliation. After a tearful reunion, all is good again, and Father's Day could not be happier for Dad and his boy.Hollywood star Jennifer Aniston didn't speak to her mother for over a decade, describing her mom as the "last chunk of disease in my life." Then Aniston was called to a hospital bed after her mother had suffered a stroke at age 75. They had a moment of healing even though her mother had been left unable to speak because of the stroke.In the book, "Dear Daddy," Sherrell Dorsey writes a letter to her father, whom she has never met. She says to him, "Thank you for the pain. because without it I wouldn't know healing. I wouldn't know love. I wouldn't know God."When I taught philosophy years ago, our class would speak of deathbed disappointment. Students would say that if they knew they had only minutes to live, only then would they tell their families those words that have the power to heal.I risk sounding pessimistic, but let's be real here. Don't we all have just minutes left to live?Moreover, if thoughts are that it's too late to make amends with the dead, perhaps a letter left at the gravesite could unchain the heart.