(Parade announcer): Good afternoon Obamacare fans and welcome to the second anniversary parade to celebrate the signing of your federally-mandated health care bill.
Today's parade is made possible by Barack Obama and sponsored by the American taxpayer. It is now estimated that your "Affordable Care Act" will cost $1.76 trillion over the next decade.
Government-controlled medicine wouldn't be possible without your elected Democratic members of the House and Senate. We have an excellent lineup of leaders to thank from the administrative and legislative branches of government.
First, leading the administration cheerleaders is our respected orator from New Jersey – Joe Biden. Widely known for his spontaneous remarks, the vice president charmed us all with his choice of words after President Obama signed the historic health care bill: "Mr. President, this is a big (expletive) deal."
The broad-smiling legislator from California, Rep. Nancy Pilosi, heads up our cheerleading brigade from the U.S. House. No parade lineup is complete without the respected former House speaker toting her giant plastic sledgehammer, a fitting symbol of the way Obamacare was forced down the throats of the American people.
Before passage of national health care, Speaker Pilosi, of course, is known for giving us one of the greatest lines in 236 years of Congressional history: "We have to pass the health care bill so that you can find out what is in it."
And of course, no national health care parade would be possible without Harry Reid, who is leading the second division of cheerleaders from the U.S. Senate. We wouldn't have Obamacare if not for the tireless efforts of the distinguished senate leader from the great state of Nevada.
We all remember Sen. Reid for single-handedly jamming Obamacare through the Senate by bribing members for their votes. Who can forget how Reid was able to broker a deal with Sen. Ben Nelson of Nebraska to gain the crucial 60th vote? With the health-care debate swirling and the bill's fate much in doubt, Sen. Reid promised Nelson full federal funding for Medicaid expansion in his state, a plum worth about $100 million.
We can't say enough about the loyal party Democrats who stood by their leader in the oval office to pass this legislation, ignoring critics like House minority leader Rep. John Boehner, who warned after its passage:
"This is a somber day for the American people. By signing this bill, President Obama is abandoning our founding principle that government governs best when it governs closest to the people. The devastating consequences of this legislation will be felt in broken promises, higher costs, lost jobs and fewer freedoms."
We're sorry ladies and gentlemen. We just learned that this year's anniversary parade has been canceled. White House pollsters say a parade at this time won't help the president win re-election.
Also, we learn that fans aren't able to get to the parade because of the high price of gas. We're counting on having a bigger celebration in 2014, however, when the costly rules of Obamacare really kick in.
Meanwhile, drive safely on your way home and if you do need to fill the gas tank, be sure to enjoy all the hope and change you see at the pumps.
By Jim Zbick