By BOB URBAN

rurban@tnonline.com

I'm a big Jeff Foxworthy fan. His red neck humor is some of the best around. And the best part about it is that most of his humor can be shared in mixed company.

And while I have been aware of his red neck humor for some years, I wasn't aware that he also had a collection of coal region humor. Either that, or someone has stolen his stuff and reshaped into local humor.

Here's a collection of noteworthy Foxworthy one liners that most of you readers will relate to. To fill up the column I added a few of my own suggestions.

If your Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in the Coal Region.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in the Coal Region.

If you can't have Easter dinner without Kielbasa, you live in the Coal Region.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in the Coal Region.

If you still have reservations that we might have a white Easter, you live in the Coal Region.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in the Coal Region.

If an old chair left in a cleared parking spot on a snowy street looks to you like a declaration of the sovereignty over that spot, you live in the Coal Region.

If you use your unheated garage as a refrigerator or freezer in the winter, you livew in the Coal Region.

If 'Jumbo' doesn't refer to a fictional elephant but means a kind of lunch, you live in the Coal Region.

If you can both 'go up street' or 'dawntawn', you live in the Coal Region.

If Versailles is pronounced as if it is spelled 'versales', you live in the Coal Region.

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of the Mason Dixonline for the weekend, you live in the Coal Region.

If you direct a stranger to the Pocono Mountains by saying it's next to the coal regions, then you live in the Coal Region

If you measure distance in hours, you live in the Coal Region.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again you live in the Coal Region.

If someone offers you a "Ying Yang" and you know to drink it, you live in the Coal Region.

If you can drive 55 mph through two feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in the Coal Region.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in the Coal Region.

If you own a Woolrich red and black winter coach, you live in the Coal Region.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in the Coal Region.

If you play a round of golf while there are snow flurries in the sky, you live in the Coal Region.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph, you're going 60 and everybody is passing you, you live in the Coal Region.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in the Coal Region.

If you know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in the Coal Region.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your lawn mower, you live in the Coal Region.

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in the Coal Region.

If you're hesitant about using your gas grill in the spring because you're afraid you'll attract a bear, you live in the Coal Region.

If every week during the warmer months a bear dines on your garbage, you live in the Coal Region.

If your neighbor saves you stoker ashes to put in your driveway in the winter, you live in the Coal Region.

If the siding on your home is about eight shades lighter than when you had it installed a few years ago, you live in the Coal Region.

If you eat supper instead of dinner, you live in the Coal Region.

If it hasn't snowed for three weeks, yet a pile of black snow still exists on your block, you definitely live in the Coal Region.

If you, or a neighbor has horseshoe pits in your yard, you live in the Coal Region.

Know any more Coal Region signs? Send them along, and I'll publish them.