If I had my choice of attending any major sporting event in the world, I'd choose the Open Golf Tournament (formerly the British Open) no matter where it was played, in England, Ireland, Scotland, or Wales.

I still havent gotten my invitation to Chelsea Clinton's wedding on July 31. The invitation is probably in the mail.

Know what I miss? Old fashioned ice cream shops. Every town in the area once had at least one shop that specialized strictly in ice cream and ice cream sodas.

Something that people around here will never get tired of vintage car shows. There seems to be at least one in the area every weekend. And they all attract some great-looking vehicles.

Where has the time gone? It's 20 years ago this week, in 1990, that Pete Rose was sentenced to five months in jail for tax evasion. Regardless of his off-the-field record, including betting on sporting events when he was manager of the Reds, Pete still belongs in the Hall of Fame because of his extraordinary efforts as a player.

You didn't expect the cap that BP put on the leaking oil well in the Gulf of Mexico to really work, did you?

When was the last time you saw a hitchhiker? Better yet, when's the last time you stopped to give one a lift? There was a time when hitchhiking was a way of life and motorists never thought twice about giving a hitchhiker a ride, never worrying that this might be a dangerous practice. Even as kids we often hitched rides. And never thought twice about any potential dangers.

Football training camps open next week. This is the time when hope springs eternal for all fans.

How many of you can pronounce, or spell, the name of Louis Oosthuizen, who won the British Open last weekend? He'll have to win a lot more tournaments before he becomes a household name.

A warm spring made for an early local corn crop this summer. That's a bonus that all of us corn-on-the-cob lovers can't resist.

China is dealing with its own huge oil spill. If this keeps up, there will come a day when none of our oceans aren't contaminated.

Good news department: The World Health Organization is ready to declare an end to the Swine Flu pandemic. Wonder what's next on the crisis agenda?

The two banks where I most frequently use the ATM machines in Lansford by the stadium, and in South Tamaqua, near the old Leiby's Restaurant, are both closing. Hope I had nothing to do with it.

And speaking of Leiby's, that intersection needs a good restaurant to relocate there. Perhaps one of the upscale chain restaurants. I think the area would support it.

Like most of us, Lehighton's Ken Treger, a frequent contributor to this column and The TIMES NEWS' letters to the editor column, is scratching his head over health care.

He writes: "Since our translucent Congress passed the health care legislation, I have with great interest tried to study this comprehensive 1,000-page bill. We know no one in Congress read it and now we have to figure out what it means. Well, look no more because I will give you an easy tutorial to figure out the terms and definitions of the bill. So save this issue and talk to your doctor for clarification.

* Artery the study of paintings.

* Bacteria a back door to the cafeteria.

* Benign What you will be after eight.

* Colic a sheep dog.

* Cat Scan searching for kitty.

* Coma a punctuation mark.

* Enema not a friend.

* Medical Staff a doctor's cane.

* Node I knowed it.

* Dilate to live long.

* Pelvis second cousin to Elvis.

* Rectum Darn near killed him.

* Tablet a small table.

* Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport.

* Tumor one plus one more.

* Urine Opposite of your out.