Between seven and eight Americans will have a heart attack in the time it takes you to read this column. About 1,200 had one in the time it took me to write it.

And I wrote it because of two things my plumber, Jerry Ahner, from George’s P & H, LLC, said on a service call. The first was a shocker: that he had had two heart attacks since he last set foot in my house.

So as he fixed a leaking pipe by replacing a pipe washer so old it was made of leather, I asked him to tell me more.

Ahner initially believed the first heart attack to be nothing more than a bad case of late-night heartburn, something he had experienced in the past. But when the apparent indigestion occurred the next day at work along with a pain down one arm, he suspected it was something else.

He hightailed it to the hospital, learned his suspicions were spot-on, and underwent surgery the next day.

He recovered quicker than expected and was back to work in two weeks. But Ahner soon developed a pain in his elbows that made it tough to work.

Since his primary care physician had put him on a daily 80 milligram dose of Lipitor after the first heart attack, Ahner asked him if there could be a link between the pain and the medication. The doc pooh-poohed the idea, yet the pain continued.

So Ahner decided to experiment and cut his dose of Lipitor in half. In a matter of days, the elbow pain was just about nonexistent.

Upon arriving at his next scheduled primary care appointment about three months later, he learned his doctor had retired. The new doc introduced himself, checked out Ahner’s chart, and decided to cut the dosage of Lipitor in half.

Ahner then had some fun, played dumb, and asked if that meant he’d now take 20 milligrams of the stuff. He let the doctor give him a lesson in basic math before explaining what he had already done — and smiled all the while he got scolded for doing so.

While I can only imagine you’re now smiling, too, I need to break the mood, get serious, and interject a less-than-legal literary disclaimer. This column has not come to be because Ahner did what I so often urge you to do.

I frequently write that you need to endlessly “experiment, experiment, experiment” to improve (and sometimes maintain) your health; therefore, it’s important to stress that although I firmly believe that, I’ve never once written to disregard a doctor’s advice. Even though I’m just about certain I would’ve done so given Ahner’s circumstance.

I do believe, however, I would’ve forewarned the doc and asked what I should look for if it was my hunch, rather than his prescription, was wrong.

I also believe that Ahner’s second heart attack had nothing to do with anything he did after the first. For after the first, he watched what he ate and actually got himself back to his high school weight.

Additionally, he was feeling rather healthy — right up until he got that same arm pain down the other arm at work about two years later.

Although it was the same pain, it came from a different cause. This time, the blood clot was partially blocking the left anterior descending artery.

When a heart attack occurs because of this, it’s not good. It’s so bad, in fact, there’s a specific name for this type of heart attack: the widowmaker.

So it can be said that Ahner’s lucky to be alive.

And as we said our goodbyes, Ahner said the second thing that caused this column to be created. It came after he admitted he’s no longer near his high school weight and that he alone is responsible for that fact.

He said that when you do a job like his, it’s just so easy to eat whatever from a convenience store or fast food restaurant instead of pack a couple snacks and lunch.

Which is certainly true, and why before any eating you do, it’s good — I dare say essential — to recall what the Stoic philosopher Epictetus called the dichotomy of control.

But I don’t want to get all philosophical on you, so I’ll just share what so many professional sports coaches and athletes, say during press conferences that, whether they know it or not, summarizes the dichotomy of control succinctly.

They say, “You can only control what you can control.”

Sounds simple, huh? But think about all the times you get frustrated or stressed by something outside of your control, like bad weather, an increase in your utility bill — the actions of others.

Then applying that saying is something other than simple.

So I’ll end by saying I’m really fond of Jerry Ahner and would really like to see him do something that’s a bit of a hassle — but fully under his control. To go to work each morning carrying a few healthy snacks and the same sort of lunch.