What do you think people want to know when they ask, “How are you?”

Do you think they really want to know?

Or, do you think that is just a perfunctory way people use as a generic greeting?

While I think there are some who inquire because they really want to know how you are doing, there are plenty of others who don’t expect you to stop and give them a running account of what’s going on in your life.

It would be interesting to know the statistics of how often “How are you” is really a generic greeting, not a legitimate question waiting for an answer.

I do know the question is asked so routinely that I seldom feel the need to give more than a short answer.

My initial response is often just one word. My favorite response to that question? Wonderful!

I learned that from a guy who was truly wonderful - the late Joe Boyle of Jim Thorpe. I was fortunate enough to share an office with Joe when we both worked in the Lehighton office of the Times News.

Every morning when Joe came into the office I smiled and said, “How are you today, Joe?”

He always answered “wonderful.”

“If you keep saying you are wonderful you will feel wonderful,” he said.

So I picked up the habit from Joe. That was a few decades ago and it’s still my typical response when someone asks that question of me.

One time something interesting happened as I was leaving Palmerton Borough Hall. When a state police officer on his way into the building asked me that perfunctory “How are you” question, I responded with an enthusiastic “Wonderful.”

He stopped in his tracks and asked why I’m wonderful.

Life is good, I told him.

He said he never hears such upbeat responses.

Well, I was feeling wonderful. But I admit I often use that response when I’m far from wonderful.

I belong to the old “fake it till you make it” school of thought.

One day I was walking into work with a heart so heavy it was hard to move one foot in front of the other. My husband was having horrific reactions to tube feeding and I wondered how much more suffering he could take.

Yet I steeled myself for work and walked into the main office with a big smile.

“I can tell by your smile that things are going well with you,” said the receptionist.

I didn’t tell her it was just part of my “fake it until you make it” philosophy.

The strange thing is when you smile when you don’t feel like smiling you eventually find yourself feeling better. I read that smiling produces a positive biological response.

I believe we have to trust someone before we bare our inner feelings. I would seldom say things are difficult right now unless I knew the person truly cared and wanted to know.

One woman who didn’t have an easy time making friends when she moved into a new community told me what happened when her neighbor finally asked her if she wanted to join her daily walk.

Grateful for a listening ear, during the walk she told the neighbor her marriage wasn’t going well because her husband worked away from home for months at a time and when he did come home he had little to say to her.

The neighbor responded by saying: “TMI - that’s too much information.” She never again wanted to walk with the woman.

In my viewpoint that was a mean response. But it does illustrate how we have to be careful about “spilling our guts” when someone asks “how are you?”

When a friend asks how I’m doing and I know that friend truly cares, I will generally tell the truth about what’s going on in my life.

If the person asking is a casual acquaintance, I will give the typical “fine” answer.

Once, when I was forced to make a trip to the emergency room of Palmerton Hospital in the middle of the night, a casual acquaintance who was usually unfriendly to me looked up and asked, “How are you?”

“OK,” I answered. “How are you?”

She said she was also fine, too.

Oh, sure. We acted like we both couldn’t sleep so we just wandered into the emergency room.

I am definitely what they call “a sharer.” I truthfully share my life with true friends. I’m usually more reserved with someone I don’t know really well.

Saturday was an exception when a neighbor I know briefly asked “how are you?” as I walked by her house.

Completely out of character, I told her I was “worried sick” because I always have a horrible reaction to anesthesia. With needing gallbladder surgery, my concerns are mounting. It was the right person to tell because she has the same problem and had encouraging suggestions.

So sometimes it pays to tell the truth when someone asks “how are you.”

Therapists suggest a more constructive way to ask someone how they are. “Add one word and ask how they are today. That can make a difference,” one said.

When you know someone is going through a tough time, they suggested asking, “How are you holding up?”

Or, say, I’ve been thinking about you. How are you?

How do you respond to the question “How are you?”

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.