For Christmas, I tried to be as generous as I could for my daughters and grandchildren.

But I ended up giving money, not gifts. I told them to buy what they most wanted.

The good thing about getting money is that you can buy something that you want, not what someone wants for you.

But I had the nagging feeling that it might be taking the easy way out.

When my mother was still here she gave something better than money. She gave presence.

While I might not remember what she gave me for every Christmas, my daughters and I will never forget the first gift she gave each year — her presence and the big pre-Christmas shopping trip she made a family tradition.

The fun started the night before when the five of us slept on the floor, sofa or makeshift beds.

Nana’s shopping trip was a big shop-till-you-drop affair. She kept going until we each found something we wanted from her.

All that was a gift being with my mother. What we ended up buying wasn’t as important as being together.

It was a great tradition, but with all of us scattered around the country it’s no longer one we could continue.

So my answer had to be giving cash. But that has none of the charm or heartwarming family tradition.

For decades I have said the same thing about the gifts I give. Nothing that is purchased or put in a box is a gift I want to give.

This year, more than ever, I wish I could magically give the gift of peace.

In church, one prayer is “peace be with you.” It’s not just idle words.

Peace that passes all understanding might come, but it won’t come in a box.

The older I get, the more I am aware of the need to give small but meaningful gifts year round.

I’m taking about things that won’t be regarded as gifts but nevertheless are important to give.

First and foremost, I try to give a smile and a cheery word to as many as possible.

Did you ever encounter a rude clerk who was simply unpleasant for no reason?

It’s hard to give a smile and cheery word to someone like that. But maybe that person needs it.

There are plenty of things we can “give” to others that won’t be recognized as such.

One example: The person who always has to be right or always has to have the last word. For most of us, the tendency is to tell him he’s wrong.

But sometimes silence is a gift.

I was with two friends recently when one woman was extremely vocal about a very strong opinion we didn’t share.

It was funny, in a way, because two of us didn’t respond at all. We met her tirade with silence until we could change the subject.

That was perfect because no one was insulted or put down and our friendships are still strong.

Silence can be a gift, but it’s often one that isn’t easy to give, especially in this divided political climate.

Another gift that won’t be recognized as one is saying “I’m sorry,” even if you don’t think you did anything wrong. Saying “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” can be a soothing balm and it doesn’t cost you anything to see another viewpoint.

There as so many times when friends or relatives let a difference of opinion ruin a relationship.

I know brothers who haven’t talked for years because an opinion got out of control. Is it so important to be “right?”

Wouldn’t it be a silent gift to be the one who doesn’t hold a grudge?

Wouldn’t it be a gift to be the one that offers an olive branch?

That, by the way, is an interesting expression, offering an olive branch.

We don’t have many olive branches around here, but we sure do sometimes have a need to make a gesture of peace or goodwill to end a disagreement or quarrel.

Is it more important to carry a grudge than it is to be the one that offers the olive branch? You tell me.

In this, the season of gifts, I am reminded once again of the many gifts that I am given.

No, they don’t come in a box but there are treasured gifts.

Every time a friend says “I’ll drive you” it’s a gift.

Every time a friend listens to me with just a word of understanding it’s a gift.

A true friendship is one of the best gifts we can give each other.

Husbands and wives often give each other silent gifts. Perhaps living together means there is a frequent need to offer quiet support.

The end of the Christmas season doesn’t mean it’s the end of offering gifts, silent or otherwise.

Think of all the quiet gifts in your life, especially those that don’t come wrapped in a box.

And if you want to make my day, I welcome any example you’re willing to share.

Email Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net