It’s commencement season, where friends and family gather to celebrate those that just graduated.

While one chapter of these student’s lives has concluded, another is about to begin. Over the past several weeks, many parents have received information as to which preschool, elementary, middle, high school, or college their children will attend this upcoming fall. Given the frantically competitive nature of both students and parents to land coveted spots at our nation’s most elite institutions, more than a few will be disappointed.

Rejection always hurts. It can sting with the force of a hornet’s nest. Many people internalize rejection, assuming they are less than capable. We may amplify insecurity to such a degree that we conclude the outcome will be nothing short of devastating. Most adults can recall a moment(s) where they encountered negations that seemed cataclysmic.

Thus, it’s totally rational for parents to want to protect their children from harboring feelings of inadequacy or being deprived of setting their goals. Reading the words “we regret to inform you that we are unable to” can conjure up emotions such as sadness, grief, anger or despair.

Competition in gaining admission to more selective institutions has become dramatically more intense. Augmenting academic standards, ever-rising tuition costs, drastic cuts in state funding for higher education, and increasingly abrasive attacks coupled with fiercely acerbic debates about the value (or lack) of a college education have steadily increased in various segments of our society.

It’s important to remember there is no one pathway to success, and a student’s first-choice school may not necessarily be the best one for them. Many successful people often failed along the way, but things tend to have a way of working out.

There are several reasons a particular institution denied a student admission. Their SAT or ACT scores were strong but not exceptional (trust me, test scores will not predict your future success), or their transcript was good but not outstanding. Working in an admissions office as a graduate student (not an actual admissions officer) in my mid-20s afforded me the opportunity to hear stories from admissions officers. They described what stood out about applicants that led to the unpredictable decisions they often made. One student who gained admission was a first-rate violinist, another grew up on a pig farm in Kansas, and a disabled student was an outstanding poet. Hearing such stories was revelatory.

In his national best-selling book “Where You Go Is Not Who You Will Be,” New York Times columnist Frank Bruni makes a convincing case that too many people far too often overemphasize prestige when choosing a college, as if this is the only factor that matters. Published almost a decade ago, Bruni’s book is still relevant today. I would add that not everyone is cut out for or should even pursue a traditional path toward earning a college degree. The old adage “no one size fits all” is certainly true regarding higher education. Vocational education, apprenticeships, and internships are just a few alternative paths that some students can or should pursue.

Consider the following list of significant achievers and where they attended college:

— Stephen King: University of Maine

— Timothy Busfield: East Tennessee State University

— Oprah Winfrey: Tennessee State University

— Ronald Reagan: Eureka College

— William Macy: Goddard College

Get my point? Each of the aforementioned individuals attended well respected, quality schools, but not necessarily elite institutions. Life doesn’t depend on which school you attend. Those of us who are well into adulthood know the hard reality that life will not always deliver what you want it to. You may not get that coveted job or promotion. You may lose a dear friend or parent(s) to an untimely death. You may endure a bitter divorce. You may become afflicted with a life-altering disease.

Over the years, I have counseled and mentored a number of students who have experienced acute disappointment, be it academically related or otherwise. I’ve also endured my fair share of misfortunes, and can personally attest to the fact bad luck and personal misfortune are beyond our control. There is nothing smooth about life.

Dealing with adversity early in life can be a positive experience for children because it can make them stronger and more resilient as they get older. People who have been knocked down early in life are often able to cope much better with the occasional roadblocks and curveballs that will undoubtedly come their way as they get older.

These are the sort of experiences that can make rejection from their first-choice school seem trivial. The reality is that, for the vast majority of these young people, by early summer they will probably have moved on from any initial disappointment and by fall will likely be happily settled into the fabric of campus life at the school they ultimately decide to attend. Life will indeed go on.

For the mothers and fathers whose children are facing such a predicament, this would be sagacious advice to pass on.

Elwood Watson is a professor of history, Black studies, and gender and sexuality studies at East Tennessee State University. He is also an author and public speaker.

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