Being retired I usefully prefer to spend Easter sitting in the pew with my beloved. This year I was asked to fill in at churches in the Hazleton area.

I shared with the colleagues that while I knew the congregations well and would receive a warm welcome, I had to admit feeling a little “antsy.”

It would be my first Easter sermon in a long while. A dear colleague responded that she would pray that the ants be dispelled.

I was reminded of a psychological term. “ANT” is short for “Automatic Negative Thought.” We all have them. Lots of folk seem to think that pastors bound out of bed each morning with “Praise the Lord !” on their lips.

Some days it can be that way, but often, I receive a visit from the “Ghost of Foul Ups Past.” (Apologies to Dickens) I can plainly see mistakes I made in high school and this year I’m out 50 years! These might also be called “Intrusive Thoughts.”

Some can play a positive role in that they are messages from the unconscious that can serve as a warning. If I remember a time when I put my foot in my mouth, this can be a warning about future speech. If I see myself having hurt someone in my past, it may check a future behavior. Sadly, things that may simply be a warning can turn out to be a barrier. Satan from the beginning, has been twisting God’s wondrous creation to work his ways. Be it fruit in Genesis or 30 pieces of silver in the gospels, he is crafty. Likewise, he can use our thought patterns to petrify.

What kind of thoughts can paralyze? They have names, but mostly they have to do with our faulty ways of thinking. We may judge ourselves too harshly. We may use catastrophic language, thinking the worst.

I’ve always liked the phrase, “I’m just not smart enough to be a pessimist.” Pessimists act like they know everything will go wrong. I agree with Benny Hill who said, “Even a busted clock is right twice a day. “ Sometimes we can “should ourselves to death” with phrases like, “I should have known better.”

The way I look at it, there was only one perfect man, and they put him on a cross. So much for my wanting to be a perfectionist. You can Google, “Cognitive Distortions” for a full list.

Some time ago I found some electric bug repellents. They work well, as being in the country, we have our share of bug problems. When you plug them in to wall socket, they emit a sound which we can’t hear but apparently are distasteful to the little creepy crawlers. We noticed a difference after using them. I’d like to think with my Ghost of Foul Ups Past, or ANT attacks, I can also use sound to repel them. These might be called spiritual calisthenics. I like to think of them as baths for the brain.

At the beginning of Jesus’ earthly ministry, after he was baptized God said, “You are my beloved Son with whom I well pleased.” I recently learned athletic coaches are teaching their athletes to pulse their left hands. Apparently, the brain centers which are responsible for that hand live close to our mental chatter centers. Thoughts like this have also been called by Buddhists, “Monkey Mind.”

Pulsing the left hand helps keep the ANTS in the hive and sends monkeys packing.

I’ve found a good meditative practice is to take the left thumb and beginning with the index finger to break the above scripture up by syllables, in a gender-neutral form. “You-are-my-be-lov-ed- with -whom- I -am well-pleased.”

Three times around all the fingers on your left hand and you complete the circuit. When I am ANTSY this helps drive them away.

Take a hike, O Ghost of Foul Ups Past, God has forgiven that mistake a while ago. In my baptism God has called me “Beloved.”

Remember the Pink Panther theme? An old junior high joke went something like, “What did the Pink Panther say when he squashed a bug? ” Dead ANT, dead ANT, dead ANT, dead ANT, dead ANT ….

Like my sound repellent chases away earthly bugs, an exercise like this can also help chase away the mental ones. I’ve found that singing the Pink Panther anthem and then using the above exercise to be helpful.

Let the Almighty’s Amazing Grace answer any aggravating ANT!