I woke up this morning and went down for coffee and even after the first cup I just wanted to go back to bed and put the covers over my head and stay there.

For all of you who know me this is far from the woman who is always doing, going, planning, and smiling.

Twenty-six years ago this week we lost our third child at the age of 18 in a car accident. It was traumatic. He left the house with a goodbye that we didn’t know was our last.

A death of a loved one this young and so suddenly leaves scars. It scars his parents and his siblings.

By the grace of God and the support of our children, relatives and friends we wove our way slowly down the path of grief to healing. We can live, love and laugh again.

Each year at this time I say to myself I’m not going to fall for this, I’m going to be strong and let it just be another day.

It gets me every time.

Yesterday I was driving downtown on my way to the store. Enjoying the sunny day and good music on the radio - oldies of course.

As I passed the funeral home the hearse sat out front and people with bowed heads were making their way out of the door of the funeral home. I pass by this scene many times a year but this time it hit me like someone punched me in the stomach and took all the air out of my lungs.

In that instance I was back twenty-six years ago; I felt the hurt and pain of that loss like it was yesterday. It was our child in the hearse, and we were the ones brokenhearted with heads down. I pulled over to the side of the street and cried till there were no tears left.

These feelings are called an anniversary reaction. They still cut deep but they are normal. Reminders of our loved ones are inevitable like birthdays, the death date and holidays. They can be tied to sights, sounds and smells. This can happen suddenly and when you least expect it.

Anniversary reactions are a collection of feelings, thoughts and memories that can occur on or around the anniversary of a traumatic event such as losing a loved one.

Even years after a loss it is usual to feel sadness when you’re confronted with reminders of that person.

Anniversary reactions are normal, try to be prepared.

Plan a distraction like get the family together or spend time with friends on that day.

Set time to reminisce about that person. Focus on all the good times rather than the loss. Write a letter or a note to your loved one and describe a good memory you have of them.

Start a new tradition, Make donation to a charitable organization in your loved one’s name.

Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. It’s OK to be sad and feel a sense of loss, but also allow yourself to experience joy and happiness of having this loved one in your life for as long as you did. I do find that eventually I will end up crying and laughing, thinking of some funny thing Matt did.

Remember how far you have come, and you have proved to yourself that you are stronger than you think.

Let the stress reactions flow through you. Accept they are normal. Eat healthy, take walks, exercise, get plenty of rest and share your feelings with people who care.

The good thing about an anniversary reaction is that it usually lasts just hours or a day.

What I have learned in 26 years since the loss of our child is we will not stop missing him and sometimes tears will flow. I learned to accept this as natural, and I have proved to myself that after an anniversary reaction passes, I will smile again.