Band camp has started. Regular sports practices are right around the corner. School shopping lists have been made and procurement is underway. Although the need for notebooks, binders and folders has decreased with the use of the Chromebooks, we still have a few new school supplies stashed in backpacks. While this time of year usually fills me with eager anticipation for a new school year and all that comes with it, this year, the anticipation has been replaced with anxiety.

I’m anxious to get the kids back into a regular routine. They’ve been busy this summer, but we were never able to settle into any kind of regular schedule. We’ve always done better with routine, and with all the stress in our lives in the last six months, I think we need it more than ever. Even me heading back to work wasn’t predictable as I tried to figure out how to best adjust my schedule to both do my job and be there for the kids.

Summer did allow for a decent amount of down time. I decided that while we are going to do some traveling throughout the year, we needed to just stay grounded for most of the summer.

I wanted this summer to be a chance for me to really observe the kids, spend one on one time with them, and just get a real feel for where their heads were at before we started another school year. After Steve’s death in January, the remainder of the school year had been about doing whatever it took to get through it. Survival mode and nothing more. I wanted to make sure that the kids were ready to go back to school in the right mindset. I also wanted to allow them to have a modicum of control over their lives. For me, one of the hardest things to come to grips with in this whole thing is how little control we have over the big picture. Steve and I had worked hard to make sure we could realize our plans and dreams for the future, and in one split second, that all vanished.

Again, I’ve had to fight my instincts to turn into the ultimate helicopter parent and try to control every moment of my kids’ lives. While it satisfies my need to feel like I can control things again, it’s not good for them, and they are fighting their own battle with the rug pulled out from under them.

It’s been a confusing summer, a nebulous one. We’ve had days where we’ve just scrapped all plans and stayed home and done nothing. We’ve had days where we’ve gotten a bunch of house projects and chores done. We’ve had days when we’ve just had to get out of the house and change the scenery. It’s been unpredictable, possibly therapeutic, and sometimes a little confusing.

It’s been a few days of being back on schedule, getting up at the usual time, getting dressed and out the door with a purpose, and coming home, tired but energized. I can already see the change in my kids. I can see enthusiasm returning to them, as they look forward to seeing their friends every day. I see relief in them, knowing what the expectations of them are for the day, and what they need to do to meet them. And, I know, from my own experience, there is knowing that they’re going to be able to zone out just a little bit, concentrate on the task at hand, and maybe forget, for just a minute, how sad they are.

I’ve started updating the calendar with games, practices, and other events. On Sunday nights or Monday mornings, I would always send Steve a screenshot of the weeks’ activities, and we’d divvy up who went where or planned our routes so we could coordinate pick up and drops offs in the smartest way possible. When the kids were double booked, we divided and conquered. When all the kids were on the same schedule, we either looked forward to enjoying whatever the event was together, or on rare occasions, made other simple plans for ourselves. And, on top of all of that, we had to remember to be aware of the dogs’ schedules and needs.

Yes, as I was color-coding and arranging the schedule, just when I thought maybe I’d gotten all my bases covered, I realized that while everyone being the same color code for being away at an all-day band competition was a relief on one hand, it also left the pups home alone for way too long a stretch. Back to the drawing board for me. I can hope by that time that the weather is cooler and they don’t mind traveling with me and being on their best behavior.

The beginning of the school year and the onset of fall has always been my time to refocus, refresh, and reset; my own version of the New Year holiday. Unfortunately, this time of year also has some major milestones for me. August will mark 10 years since my dad’s death. While it has always been a sad time for me, I always felt like one of the reasons my dad was able to let go was because he knew Steve was here to take care of us. This year, I no longer have that peace. Then, it will be E and Steve’s birthday. The jury is out on how that’s going to go. E is determined to celebrate in one day, and determined to ignore it the next. I guess we will see. Then, it will be our wedding anniversary.

I worry that we will just barely be back on the horse and all these little triggers will upset whatever balance we managed to find. Or maybe gaining our footing in other areas will give us the strength to get through these emotional times. For the kids, it’s time to start a new chapter. While I’m not even sure what book I’m in right now, at least I can be there to support them.

Liz Pinkey is a contributing writer to the Times News. Her column appears weekly in our Saturday feature section.