“Welcome to championship boxing in America!

“This is Harry Had-Enough, your announcer for today’s fight between Donnie the Democrat and Ronnie the Republican who both come into this bout undefeated since they were elected, which, by the way, is so long ago no one can remember when.

“Donnie the Democrat enters the ring from the left, from the left, you get it, from the left. He is resplendent in his blue trunks and his blue boxing gloves. What’s this? He’s carrying a sign into the ring.

“What’s it say? ‘Gas prices going up to 9 dollars a gallon!’

“The crowd in the back of the arena boos loudly, but the management officials from Exxon Oil are applauding from their ringside seats, which by the way, didn’t cost them 9/10ths of a cent.

“Now here comes Ronnie the Republican stepping up into his corner from the right, of course he enters from the right. Ronnie wears bright red trunks with matching red boxing gloves. And he’s carrying a sign, too!

“What’s it say? ‘Protect the Second Amendment. Go get your guns!’ The fans on the left boo loudly. Twenty men from the National Rifle Association sitting ringside on the right give Ronnie a standing ovation.

“Coming down the aisle now is our referee for today’s bout. It’s Joe Citizen! He wears an American flag shirt and red pants, with white and blue stripes down each leg. He enters the ring to a deafening roar of USA! USA! from the fans sitting in the cheap seats, which by the way, weren’t so cheap, costing them a couple of Benjamins apiece.

“Joe waves to the crowd. He summons the two fighters to the center of the ring for their pre-fight instructions.

“This has to be a fair fight,” he says to Donnie and Ronnie, who are staring each other down. “No hitting below the belt like you do to the American people. Do you understand?”

“Both fighters shake their heads no. Donnie the Democrat is known for his vicious left hook he’s used to jack up taxes and interest rates while his opponent will counterpunch with a deadly right uppercut that is about to send the Roe vs. Wade down for the count.

“And there’s the bell for Round One! Both fighters come out slugging. There’s a left hook from Donnie that staggers Ronnie, who counter attacks with a huge right uppercut that backs the Democrat into the ropes. There’s a left! Now a right! Another left and a right! This fight might not last the first round!

“Oh, no! What am I seeing now! Both fighters turn toward Joe Citizen and are throwing punches at him! They are beating him relentlessly with blow after blow! The crowd from the cheap seats fills the arena with jeers and boos, but the ringside corporation CEOs from both the left and the right are cheering and throwing phantom punches toward Mr. Citizen from all around the ring.

“The merciless attack continues. Joe can’t defend himself against their power. Oh, no! He is knocked down to the canvas! Both fighters are still pummeling him with everything they got. Who says you can’t kick a good man when you got him down! Donnie and Ronnie keep on punching and kicking. Poor Joe is trying to crawl away from the barrage. He’s almost at the edge of the ring and now he’s rolled himself out and onto the floor!

“Now wait! What am I seeing now? Fans from the cheap seats are approaching the ring and are pushing right through the big corporation executives who try to stand in their way.

“The angry mob is climbing into the ring! Donnie the Democrat and Ronnie the Republican are retreating to their corners. The mob splits in two, some march to the left and some march to the right.

“They have both boxers cornered now. The Democrat and Republican are both raising their hands in surrender! Yes! They are quitting the fight! And what’s this I see. Here comes Joe Citizen climbing back into the ring! The crowd is shouting, “USA! USA! USA!

“What is she doing here? A white-haired woman has moved to the center of the ring and she’s holding a microphone. Oh, that’s Joe Citizen’s mom! We all know her. Only God knows what she’s going to say and the crowd has become quiet to listen in.

“We have a unanimous decision,” she says to the fans in the ring who have circled around her. “We are declaring both the Democrat and the Republican losers by technical knockout. They are gone from Congress forever!” The crowd roars their approval just as the big corporation CEOs are hustling toward the exit doors!

“Joe’s mom grabs the hand of her son who now stands with her in the center of the ring. She holds up the microphone again.

“And now, the winner and the new champion of the United States of America! Jooooooe Citizen!”

“Joe and his mom raise their hands together in victory. The crowd cheers! The champ is lifted up and is being carried out of the ring. Everyone is cheering “USA! USA! USA! What a beautiful sight to see!

“This is your fight announcer, Harry Had-Enough signing off and may God bless America!”

Rich Strack can be reached at richiesadie11@gmail.com.