Here’s a question I’ve been pondering all week.

What’s the best gift your parents gave you?

That subject came to mind when a friend of mine emphatically told me the best thing her mother ever gave her was “nothing.”

I was surprised by that because she has always talked about her family with great fondness.

When we discussed it more, she said it’s not that her mother didn’t love her. “It’s just that parenting was different when I was growing up. “Today’s parents are totally involved in their children’s lives. Often they are too involved much of the time.

“That wasn’t the case in our home. They took good care of me but didn’t give me much direction or have much input into what I did. It was all up to me,” she said.

But don’t get the wrong idea. My friend claims “letting her be” was the best gift her parents could ever give her.

She said she appreciated being able to learn to think for herself and make her own decisions without getting pushed into what her parents wanted for her.

“I think it’s what turned me into a strong, capable woman,” she said.

While her road in life has been bumpy in spots, she thinks she could persevere through it because of skills she learned early in life.

She believes many of today’s parents are too involved in the lives of their children, pushing them into directions the parents want for them.

“I’m grateful that wasn’t the case in our home,” she said. “It was a blessing being able to figure out what I wanted in life. I had to rely on my own determination, and that was good preparation for the rest of my life,” she explained.

When she unexpectantly found herself a single mother with two young children and no means of support, she said she had to harness all the “take charge coping skills” she learned early in life.

“We all get those bumps. But when you learn self-reliance, I think you handle rough spots better,” she said.

In a way, I could relate to some of what she said.

I always did well in school but it was definitely self-driven. Neither parent ever asked me if I did my homework. Nor did they ever ask me about grades. When they signed my report cards I got the sense I could bring home lower grades without repercussions.

I pushed hard academically for one reason: I wanted to.

Today’s kids often have to be pushed and prodded to succeed.

No one ever pushed me to succeed. When I wanted to go to college, it was up to me to figure a way to do it. It took 10 years to graduate from college, but the feeling of accomplishment was phenomenal.

When my father said it broke his heart that they couldn’t finance my college dream, I told him I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

There were incredible benefits of doing it the hard way. So I understand a bit of what my friend told me about gaining strength from self-reliance.

While my parents didn’t push me academically, they did have rules and expectations for me.

My mother belonged to the School of Cleanliness is Godliness. Our house always looked like they were expecting the Good Housekeeping photographer any minute, and I had daily chores to help keep it that way.

When I called my brother to ask him what gift he valued most from my mother, he didn’t have to hesitate one second to answer.

He said Mom’s best gift to him was teaching him to be financially savvy.

“The more years that go by the more I appreciate all she taught me,” he said.

My brother and I both believe “strict” was the best word for Mom.

“I hated that when I was a teenager but as I look back I appreciate how she kept us safe,” he said.

She sure did keep me from smoking.

When friends tried to push me to smoke, I said I couldn’t because my mother would kill me.

Whoever though there would be so many pluses to having strict parents?

It was their way of caring.

I was also strict in raising my own children. Too strict. I wish I could undo much of that.

While I wasn’t exactly a helicopter parent, I did make the mistake of trying to solve their problems for them, instead of letting them learn to do it themselves. I definitely erred in doing too much instead of too little.

My younger daughter said she learned to be self-reliant and independent because I was spending much of my time “helping” her older sister.

While she regrets that, she does admit it made her a stronger person. In raising her own children, she said she tries to let them make their own decisions without too much input from parents.

From what I’ve observed in life and what I’ve learned from experience, I found that the best gifts parents give to children aren’t the ones that come gift wrapped.

I also learned as we age we gain a perspective far different from what we once believed.

Looking back through older eyes, what do you regard as the best gift you received from your parents?

Bet it didn’t come in a box.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.