By Pattie Mihalik

We all know “the future” is an unknown territory where we never know what will happen.

Would you want to know exactly how your life will unfold?

Would you want to know ahead of time all the good and bad that will happen to you?

One friend said she would have liked to know ahead of time that her two marriages would end in divorce.” It would have saved me a lot of time and heartache,” she said.

But it would also have ended the hope and the joy she had when she first entered into a new marriage.

I have no desire to know ahead of time what will befall me, not even in regards to health issues.

One of the health fears in the back of my mind is that I will come down with Alzheimer’s disease. My mother had a heartbreaking decline as she lost more and more ability because of it. She lost the ability to talk and then could no longer feed herself. Most heartbreaking for us was when she no longer recognize us.

I still maintain to this day that she was sometimes aware of what we were saying when we talked with her. My sister said that was wishful thinking on my part.

When I went to visit her at the nursing home I always chatted constantly as I walked her around the place, telling her what was going on in my life.

One day I told her the sad news. My husband, Andy, had passed away. When I looked at my mother I saw she had tears rolling down her face. Just for a moment she stopped walking and very gently stroked my face.

There was just one other time a few months before when I knew she was aware of who I was. For about two or three years every time I visited there was no recognition that she knew me.

While I told my friend Andy that it ripped my heart apart when she didn’t even know me, he said he was going to pray long and hard that I would have a different experience the next time I visited.

The next time I went to see Mom she didn’t seem to know the difference between her daughter and a wall. Positively no awareness of anything.

After a while of talking with her I told her I was going to the ladies room and would be right back. I was stunned when I came back into the room. Mom’s face lighted up when she saw me and she said my name. She said Pattie.

The woman who didn’t talk actually said my name. But that recognition quickly dimmed and I never saw it again.

I will hold that one brief instant of recognition in my heart forever.

In addition to losing my mother to Alzheimer’s, my father and paternal grandmother were said to have it. Two of my mother’s four sisters also died of the disease. So of course I’m concerned about it.

When I met a researcher who is devoting his life to Alzheimer’s research, he told me they are developing tests that could tell the likelihood of someone getting the disease.

My children said I should have the test when it’s perfected.

No way. Absolutely no way. It’s not as if it would be prevented if you knew about it ahead of time.

Why take away my hope and my joy one second sooner than necessary?

When my friend Bobbi Sue was diagnosed with Lynch syndrome, which causes multiple deadly cancers, she was told it’s a genetic disease. Her sister died of it and Bobbi Sue has been gallantly battling the disease for five years.

When she suggested to her children that they get tested to see if they carried the gene for it, they refused.

I understood their reasoning, because even if they knew they carried the gene, nothing could be done about it. While they can, they are settling for the small peace of not knowing.

While my friend Jane with the two failed marriages thinks relationships would fare a lot better if we knew ahead of time which marriages would fail, I don’t agree.

Why take away pleasure while the rose is still blooming?

We never know ahead of time which relationships are doomed, not even when others are sure of the fast demise of a marriage.

I remember one marriage in particular where the bridal pair had a keen sense of humor on their wedding day about all the naysayers who thought their marriage was doomed to failure.

The groom had a “love ’em and leave ’em” reputation, and the couple had little in common.

During the outdoor wedding reception the bridal pair had their wedding videographer go around asking guests how long they thought the marriage would last.

How’s that for unusual?

Well, the bottom line is no one predicted the marriage would be “happily ever after.”

But that’s exactly what it’s been.

Through thick and thin, they are there for each other.

We never know what relationship will be a blessing and which one will end in heartbreak.

To me, that’s good.

I like to hang on to happy expectations as long as possible.

I believe in living the present. The future will take care of itself.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.