The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has discovered a new virus that has infected over a thousand people. The infected recently attended a production of the Zion Opera Workshop. The virus is named Poppins502020. The CDC has informed us that no amount of hand washing will prevent a person from contracting this disease.

What are the symptoms? Carriers exhibit some if not all of the following traits:

1. A feeling of being practically perfect in every way.

2. The desire to take walks through parks, especially those with statues.

3. The belief that their presence creates a sense among others of having a jolly holiday.

4. An ability to understand the languages of animals.

5. A strong desire to sit on a rooftop.

6. A need to go fly a kite.

7. Acquire friends with unusual talents and occupations.

8. Develop an ability to set almost every situation right with a cure of a spoon full of sugar.

9. Inspire a sense of decency, responsibility and compassion, and a compulsion to feed the birds.

10. A tendency to butt into other people’s business but offer sound advice.

11. The ability to dance on rooftops.

12. An ability to change lives for the better and spread happiness and joy.

The government also reports that those infected tend to sing or hum music with a definite cheery tune. They may also tend to smile a lot. Some of the infected were observed dancing for no apparent reason.

E-commerce sites such as Amazon and eBay have reported inquiries for the purchase of tap shoes and umbrellas with a parrot head handle.

At a recent news conference in Washington, D.C., President Trump was asked to comment on this new virus. The chief executive stood straight, smiled and proclaimed “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

I hope this bit of nonsense has brought a smile to your face in these times of confusion. Many thanks to the people of Zion Opera Workshop who brought their 50th anniversary show “Mary Poppins” to the people of our area, giving us a few hours of laughter, song and joy on the eve of this pandemic. Please take a moment when you’re feeling down and put yourself in a Mary Poppins way; it only takes “A Spoonful of Sugar.”

Sincerely,

Barry Gangwer

Weatherly