People put a lot of energy into being happy and joyful.

I for one seem to obsess about the emotion.

In general, people want financial stability, good health, money in the bank, food on the table, good friends, an enjoyable hobby or two, and satisfying activities. That’s not a lot to ask for, right?

So, why do so many struggle finding it?

Over the years, I’ve learned that the word “happy” can deceive us. If I judge my happiness based upon the perception of others’ happiness or a particular status, having that kind of judgment will sabotage me.

If you want to find consistent joy and happiness, or contentment, here are a few tried and true skills that I’ve learned to apply.

• Be grateful for what I have and not focus on what I don’t have. The biggest lesson for me was to be thankful. Each day I take a few minutes to list a few things I’m grateful for.

• Don’t compare yourself to others. A savvy therapist once told me, “A situation is never as it seems. If you’d walk in their shoes, you’d see an entirely different side.”

• Give to others. People are self-absorbed and crave for attention and connection. So, my favorite is to greet a person with a smile no matter where I am.

• Do the things you enjoy or learn how to do the things you want to do. Go back to school or take a class if it requires a skill.

• Change your life if you can. For years, I’ve yearned to live in a walkable community. After much deliberation and forethought, I live in a place that fits me and how I want to live.

• Forgive those who have hurt you or try to control you. And more importantly, forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made.