If you are a regular reader of this column, you know how twisted my mind works at times.

Well, here I go again. Road signs have always captured my sense of humor and just for fun, I form a difference of opinion or a question about the meaning of what we read from those signs we see on highways and back roads along our common travel routes.

Let’s begin with a sign that I see on Route 903 in Albrightsville. “Take Care to Pass.” I sarcastically say to myself. “Wow. It’s a good thing that sign is telling me to be careful; otherwise, I might pass that big truck with reckless abandon and hit an oncoming vehicle head on! I can imagine how many drivers’ lives were saved because they were alerted to “take care.”

Now here’s one that I read literally. “Slow Children at Play.” If that sign would be on my street, I might just be offended that my kids are being described as “slow.” They are not. They get good grades in school. They are never slow at the sports they play, too.

If I take the true meaning of the sign, I wonder why it’s necessary because there are thousands of kids who live and play near our roadways so shouldn’t we then have thousands of these signs?

How about “Hidden Driveway?” You see this sign and you say, ”It’s not hidden anymore! I would have never known where the driveway was, but now I do. Then I ask myself, “Why do I need to know about this driveway? It’s not in my way, If it’s my driveway, I don’t want to let everyone know where it is. I want to keep it hidden.

“This bridge may be icy.” Shouldn’t they add, “Or maybe not”? We don’t have signs telling me a road may be icy. I propose we make up one big sign that says, “In the winter when it’s cold, there might be ice anywhere and everywhere!”

One of my favorite road signs is “Deer Crossing.” Don’t you slow down expecting to see a line of deer waiting for a police officer to stop traffic to let them cross the street? I guess the deer near me haven’t learned to read yet because they cross the road wherever they damn well please. Perhaps the police should arrest these deer for jay walking and then remind them they’re supposed to cross only where the signs are placed. I wonder who watches the woods all day long to determine where the deer like to cross the road.

So why did the deer cross the road? Because there was a “Deer Crossing” sign there!

You don’t see the little yellow signs, “Baby on Board” that new parents would put in the back windows of their cars as much anymore, but I wonder what that is supposed to mean to me if I’m driving my car behind one. Do I slow down because there’s a baby in the car? Maybe the baby is not in the car. If there was a sign that said, “Adult on board,” do I speed up?

Then I think, why aren’t there signs that say, “Old Man on Board” or “Texting Teenager on Board” or “Labrador Retriever on Board” or “Serial killer on Board,” or “Idiot on Board,” or “No Passengers on Board’? What’s the difference?

I bet the creator of the “Baby on Board” sign owns his own island from all those signs that were sold. He’s probably driving a Maserati with a sign that says, “Billionaire on board.”

Parking signs annoy me. I’m looking for a place to park so I pull up in front of one that says, “Parking permitted Tuesdays and Thursdays after 5 p.m. only. Violators will be fined.” I think, “What’s today? It’s Thursday so that’s good. I look at my car clock and it reads 4:52 pm. That’s bad. Should I take the chance that there’s no one around to give me a ticket for parking here eight minutes early? If I drive around the block four or five times, someone else will probably take this spot and it’s the only open one on the street.

Now it’s 4:55. I decide to park and take my chances. As I walk away from my car, I ‘m looking around for a police officer to jump out of his hiding place and shout, “Aha! Gotcha!”

That would be just my luck. Next time I come this way, I’d better not drive down this street until after 5 o’clock and only on a Tuesday or Thursday.

I’d like to see a sign on the turnpike that says, “Road Rage Drivers — Use Left Lane Only.”

At least then I’d know I could keep out of their angry way.

Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.