Most parents would do almost anything for their kids. Few of us would quibble with that.

But maybe the real question should be: Do parents do too much for their kids by giving them too much?I interviewed a fascinating father this week who believes some parents who think they are giving their kids everything are actually holding back on the two things kids need.As a coach for more than two decades, Bobby has had intensive contact with all kinds of parents — the good, the bad and the indifferent. He wishes he could reach parents with the simple message that the best thing a parent can give children is spending time with them. Lots of time.“Childhood is a precious time but all too soon kids are grown up and gone. Parents need to spend time with their children while they can,” he says.He’s an extraordinary father of three who doesn’t give his kids special stuff. Instead, he gives them special times with him.I know that because I interviewed Bobby’s kids. Most adolescent boys aren’t facile in sharing their thoughts. When pressed for answers, many adolescents talk in monosyllables.Robbie, 14, and Ryan 13, are quite articulate when it comes to talking about their father.“He’s a fun father,” says Robbie. “He does a good job teaching me fun stuff like scuba diving. And he teaches me important lessons that will help me throughout my life.”Ryan says it’s a comfort to know that he can go to his dad about anything. “He’s a caring father and I like knowing I can count on him.”Like many dads, especially those who were once competitive athletes, Bobby plays sports with his boys. As a former basketball standout and a current basketball coach, he teaches his sons how to play the game.But it’s not about how good they are, the coach says. It’s about how much fun they have doing it and how much pride they have in being part of a team.So I guess I would expect all that from a gung-ho coach who gives his all to working with kids.But when his kids talk about “adventures” with their dad, they talk about things like going camping, doing motor sports and scuba diving.No one mentioned it, but I get the feeling there is not an excess of stuff in Bobby’s home. He was a fifth generation ironworker who loved his job until he fell down a flight of steps and broke his neck along with other injuries.After two surgeries and a long rehabilitation, Bobby was left with a permanent disability and serious money problems. “I still have no feeling in my hands and my arms are numb,” he says.While the family learned what it means to “do without,” they never did without love and plenty of family time.Bobby believes in giving of himself, not in giving his kids stuff. He says from the time they are babies most kids have too much stuff.But there is one thing Bobbie gives his boys that other parents might be reluctant to give.“I give them the chance to fail,” he says. “Instead of being a helicopter parent helping them avoid every mistake, I give them the chance to learn from those mistakes.“It’s a valuable life lesson that parents don’t want their kids to have,” he says.He’s right. Look around you at organized sports for kids. Everyone gets recognized for participating. In many organizations, every kid gets a trophy or medal, even team jackets.We’re so busy trying to build their self-esteem that we forget about teaching kids how to handle disappointment.Somewhere down the road, they are bound to have plenty of disappointments. Will they have developed the character to handle it?If you’re as old as I am, maybe you can remember playing sports simply for the joy of it all. If I wanted to play sports, I walked to the baseball field.When my kids were young, they didn’t hand out medals to everyone. That came later when the grandkids played sports.No matter how good you are at something, there’s always going to be someone better.Bobby knows it builds character for a kid to have to struggle for something.As a coach, he hears some parents rail at him if their kids have time sitting on the bench. It’s the rare parent who encourages a kid to work hard enough to earn a chance to play.As a coach Bobby has his players practicing five days a week, sometimes twice a day. It’s not all about winning, he says. It’s about developing a work ethic, character and teamwork.He has his players doing things that have nothing to do with basketball. They are required to dress up for games, earn good grades, complete hours of community service and clean the school every week, sweeping floors and cleaning the cafeteria.Having the teams develop a sense of pride in themselves and in what they do sounds a whole lot better to me than giving them a participation medal.“It’s all about developing lifetime attitudes and skills,” the coach says.His advice to parents: “Spend time with your kids instead of spending money on them. And give your kids a chance to learn from their failures.”Pattie Mihalik can be reached at

newsgirl@comcast.com.