By PATTIE MIHALIK

newsgirlcomcast.netMy mother had a routine based on the days of the week.Mondays were wash day, no matter what.Tuesdays meant ironing. (Remember ironing? I barely use my iron anymore and I certainly don't devote a day of the week to it.)Wednesdays she cleaned the upstairs. Thursdays she cleaned the downstairs.Fridays she scrubbed the kitchen floor and took the stove apart to clean it thoroughly.Saturdays, (if she couldn't find a daughter to do it,) she scrubbed the two porches.She was structured in her meal preparations, too. Every Wednesday we had her incredible spaghetti, my favorite meal of the week. Thursday was steak night.She was so rigidly structured in her schedule that she told the doctor who was sending her to the hospital one Friday that she couldn't go early because that was the day she scrubbed the kitchen floor.They say many traits skip a generation. I was never a structured kind of person or, so I thought.What I didn't realize while I worked was that a job is its own built-in structure. We work a set number of days each week, usually five. For most people, we work a set number of hours, too. We call it our work schedule and it provides the structure of our life.When I retired and moved to Florida, at first I joined everything that looked interesting. Mondays meant meeting my writing deadlines. Tuesday was shell club during the day followed by teaching religious education to a bunch of neat kids in the evening.Wednesdays I kayaked during the day then went to dinner in the evening with my kayak buddies. Thursdays meant Zumba class. Saturdays were tennis lessons. Sundays were reserved for church.All that provided a structure. I knew what I was going to do each day.I don't have that structure anymore. After David and I married I dropped that pre-planned schedule so I was free to do what he wanted to do.At least a half dozen times a week I mentioned to him how freeing it was to have no schedule to do what we wanted whenever we wanted.But there's a downside to having no set schedule. I often forget what day it is. On occasion David and I will ask each other, "Is today Tuesday, or is it Wednesday?"There have been times when I missed going to my Wednesday morning friendship circle because I thought it was Tuesday.I keep saying I need one of those calendars they have in nursing homes that say, "Today is Monday, May 4."The other downside to having no structure is having to decide how to fill a day. David is the kind of person who doesn't like to commit to anything ahead of time. While he likes to fly spontaneously as he wants to, I feel at odds if I don't know what I am doing from day to day.That's just a small problem because I pretty well make my own schedule. When I see an empty space on the calendar, I call a favorite friend or two and make plans to get together. But I don't know early enough in the week so I can give my friends some advance notice.I either have to learn to be spontaneous or my husband has to learn to commit earlier to an activity or social event.While that's just a small problem, one thing I've observed is that having no structure poses a big problem for many retirees.I just interviewed a fellow who commented negatively on the mixed blessing of having no schedule. "It's tiring trying to fill my days," he said.A retired business executive, he misses having structure to his days. He misses it so much, in fact, that he took a part-time job to help fill his time, even though he doesn't need the money.Some of my friends agree with him that it's tiring trying to fill every day. "I sit around far too much because I have nothing to do," said one friend.I keep suggesting activities she could try but she won't take a class unless I do, too. I don't think it would be fair to my husband to keep a full schedule. We like to spend our time together.I do have to admit that took some adjustment when we were first married. I was used to go, go, go running someplace different each day and night.There are so many wonderful things to do here in this little piece of paradise. I like activity and I enjoy being with people so I filled my calendar each week.David called my busy schedule "frenetic."He likes an open calendar so he can plan each day as he goes along.I would say we both learned to compromise, but that's not quite true. We just learned to be more patient with each other's idiosyncrasies.Being patient, for me, meant getting dressed for kayaking on Saturday because David said we were going. Meanwhile, he changed his mind and I had to change into biking clothes.I told you he was spontaneous.We start each day saying, "What are we doing today?"Is structure good or bad? You decide.OK, tell me quick. What day is it? Lack of structure means it's hard to tell.