By PATTIE MIHALIK

newsgirl@comcast.netThe question of the month surely must be: What do you want for Christmas?I know it's the big question with my family each year.When my daughters were younger I thrived on surprises. Seeing the look on their faces when I managed to hit a home run in gift selection was priceless.But through the years I noticed some of those looks of appreciation were fake. I watched the girls open clothing I knew they would never wear, rewarding the gift giver with their ahhhhs!When I moved away from them, I realized I no longer knew their tastes. I didn't know what they had and what they wanted.Then came the big family debate: Should we continue to go for the surprise element? Or should we give up on surprises and settle for buying something we know is wanted?Our decision was unanimous. We voted for asking for a Dear Santa list. That works well for all ages, not just kids.We all said surprises can be nice or nasty and we feel obligated to use or wear something we don't like. On the other hand, it's a pleasure to be given something we've been wanting.My friends are still making fun of me because of my hard time interpreting my grandson's wish list. A few years ago Cameron wrote that he wanted apps. I took that to mean appropriate. But appropriate what? When I asked my friends, they had a laugh at my technology-challenged mind.Knowing my technology void, my grandson Grayson makes it easy on me by sending links to the exact thing he wants.The grandkids are easier to buy for than my own daughters. I definitely need their input.A few years ago the three of us established the tradition of a mother-daughter shopping trip. We each get to pick out what we want and we have the pleasure of knowing we are giving gifts that will be appreciated.But the best pleasure of the day has been our mother-daughters' luncheon after our trips. Don't ask me what we bought for each other last year. I don't remember. But I do remember the warmth and laughter we shared during the shopping trip and lunch.Once again it's a case of valuing "presence" more than presents. We don't see each other all that much, and every single minute together is precious.Actually, it was my own mother who started that Christmas shopping tradition decades ago.Every year she and my sister Cindy came to my house for Thanksgiving. There were so many of us some had to sleep on the floor, but oh, what fun we had with those pajama parties. Being together like that was definitely a gift for each of us.The next day three generations of women were out the door early for our Christmas shopping marathon. It was so much fun to get everyone's input as we tried on clothes.We left the mall with bags containing things we wanted. Best yet, we left with warm memories that remain to this day."I always loved our shopping trips with Nana," said my daughter Andrea last week.Again, she wasn't talking about going home with Nana's gifts. The gift was Nana herself. Being with her was the best present. It didn't matter what got put in bags.Recalling those fond memories of Nana's shopping trips, we decided to continue her tradition. Sadly, very sadly, there are only two generations of us instead of three. But it's every bit as precious to me as those Nana trips of long ago.But in order to do that grand shopping trip, we each have to know what kind of gift we want so we know where to shop. Andrea and I are easy because we are both exercise addicts. Clothes for kayak trips, yoga class, biking, running or gym workouts are always appreciated.But after years of getting lovely workout clothes from my daughters, I don't need more. That brings up the tough question from Andrea: "What do you want for Christmas, Mom? You have to tell us."I've been thinking about it, and my conclusion, once again, is that I don't want anything that can be put in a box.If I had the perfect gift, it would be spending a bonus day with my daughters. Living so far away means I fly in and fly home again in a few days. There is too long of a drought before we are together again.When I was still living in Pennsylvania I asked for "family activity gifts." Going to Jungle Safari as a family or tickets to a show or concert were two of my unforgettable gifts.I might not remember what material gifts I was given in the past. But my heart is warmed when I remember every single family activity gift.One year Andrea took us all to a local dinner theater production of "The Wedding." It wasn't a very good show, but that didn't matter to any of us as our laughter flowed freely.The important thing was being together.How I long for more of those family activities.Do I want a material gift for Christmas?No, I want the gift of presence.That's the most precious thing we all can give each other.