Holiday gatherings from Thanksgiving through New Years can be wonderful and memorable occasions.

They can also be stressful and the fuel that sparks hurt feelings and family feuds.If you are the one hosting a dinner or party, the bulk of that stress will, by default, land on your lap. While there are things you can do to help reduce that stress, your guests can and should do their part to help things run smoothly.I did some surfing on the Net and asked a few friends for their input and came up with some things to consider when preparing or attending a holiday gathering.Hosts• Get your invites out as soon as possible. While last-minute get-togethers can be a lot of fun, getting the word out ahead of time gives folks the opportunity to plan and work things into their busy holiday schedules. Don't be offended if someone can't make your event. People can't be in two places at once, and trying to cram too many events into any day is exhausting and stressful. The holidays should be enjoyed. Plan to get together with that person another time.Be sure to check with your guests for any dietary requirements or restrictions before you create your menu. Many people have food allergies or other dietary restrictions, and you wouldn't want them to go hungry any more than you would want them to get sick.• Do as much as you can ahead of time. Plan your menu, make a list and shop no later than the weekend before. If it is a family dinner, consider skipping the alcohol. Too much alcohol is a recipe for heated arguments, embarrassing situations, ruined carpets or worse an automobile accident.If your schedule permits, get as much cleaning, decorating and cooking done before your event. It takes so much pressure off you when the big day arrives, affording you to slow things down a bit. If, for example, Thanksgiving Day is your only day off and prior preparation isn't possible, enlist the help of others in your household or even one of your guests (and be ready to return the favor someday).Young children can help with simple tasks such as picking up toys and putting things away, while older children and teens are capable of dusting, vacuuming and even cleaning the bathroom. Since they help make the mess, they can help clean it up. Just remind them: if mom is happy, everyone is happy.Bribe them with ice cream or keys to the car later if you must.• If someone offers to help by making something for your feast say, "Heck yeah!" and tell them how wonderful they are for doing so. It's one less thing you have to worry about.• Get a good night's sleep the night before so you are energized and ready to go the next morning. This is crucial!• Do the best you can, but don't worry about perfection. Focus on the quality time you will be spending with friends and family and don't stress over the small stuff.GuestsYou share a huge responsibility in the success and general mood of the dinner or party and should always do your part to make sure that a good time can be had by all.• Arrive on time. Things happen such as inclement weather and accidents and other things that are out of your control. A quick call to your host is always in order if you are going to be late. However, you need to be understanding if they start without you. Guests and particularly the host are usually ravenous by the appointed dinner time.Hosts really shouldn't be angry or upset if guests are late. Try to take it in stride.If it is acceptable with your other guests, wait 15 or 20 minutes and then start.Just be sure to save some for your late arrivals and warmly welcome them when they do walk through the door.Guests, please don't arrive too early! It makes the host feel as if they have to now rush to get things done, stop what they are doing to entertain you and take care of any of your immediate needs, and you may be preventing them from taking that quick shower they have been dying for all day.Five minutes before your given time is great. One hour beforehand and you send the host into a panicked frenzy! Don't do it!• Offer to help in the kitchen. If your host declines your offer, it may be best to leave the kitchen and mingle with other family and guests. You don't want to get in the way, and your host doesn't want you to see him or her spill gravy all over the counter or burn the dinner rolls and certainly doesn't want you to hear any mild expletives that may follow.• Unless you are on-call medical staff or a first responder, turn your cellphone off, or better yet, leave it in your car so you're not tempted to take a peek.Enjoy the people you're with. Some of them may not be there next year.• Don't complain and don't broach subjects that may be offensive or that you know will stir up strife.• If there is alcohol, keep yourself in check. Don't ruin it for everyone else because you act like a jerk when intoxicated.• Offer to help clean up, if only after yourself, or better yet, (and if your host is willing) offer to do it all. She or he has worked hard all day and may enjoy a little break to relax with family and friends.Finally, and this goes for everyone, hosts and guests alike: put any old hurts, harsh feelings or any type of disagreements aside, if only for that day. Instead, offer kindness and forgiveness or, at the very least, a gentle smile and pleasant tolerance.Because after all, some of them may not be around next year.