A woman's perspective changes with age.

That was reinforced for me, once again, as members of one club sat at the beach and caught up on each other's lives.One woman admitted she was feeling "more than a bit lost" because her last child just left the nest. For the first time in decades, it was just her and her husband, and she said she is unable to adjust to the change.All of us who had experienced the Empty Nest Syndrome could understand what she was saying. But because we had "been there," we knew the feeling of "being lost" didn't last. It's just the sudden change that is jarring for most women.Because she has good friends and several outside activities of her own, we knew our friend eventually would adjust to her new stage of life.We also knew something important: An empty nest can mark a wonderful time of life.But it depends on how well they have prepared for that stage of life.A woman who has a close circle of friends as well as a career or satisfying outside interests will adjust easier than one who has wrapped her entire life in her children to the exclusion of all else.When the kids are gone from the nest, if a woman has nothing in life except her kids, where does that leave her?On the other hand, if she and her husband have built a satisfying relationship through the years, they can draw even closer when they have fewer distractions and demands on their time.From the time our kids were in preschool, my best friend and I talked about the need to carve "couples time," not just family time. There were plenty of years when we struggled financially. But we always made it a priority to go away twice a year for a couple's retreat.In the interest of honesty, I have to admit when children are at home, a house rings with more activity and laughter. When the kids leave home, the sudden quiet definitely makes it feel like an empty house.That stage, psychologists say, can make or break a marriage.Experts tell us the two most dangerous times in a longtime marriage are when they kids leave home or when a couple retires."I see many divorces that come about during these times," said a marriage counselor I interviewed on the subject of late-in-life divorces."When a husband and wife are busy with jobs and with raising a family, they might not notice how far apart they have grown," said the marriage counselor. "But when it's just the two of you, it can suddenly seem like two strangers without much in common," he cautioned.I scheduled the interview with that marriage counselor after I saw a magazine column he wrote on the subject of late-life divorces. He claimed Florida is a hotbed of late-in-life divorces.That didn't make sense to me. Why would living in our little piece of paradise contribute to marital unhappiness? I would think it would be the other way around. Living in paradise should make couples happier.The marriage counselor said when couples move to Florida, they often leave behind family, friends and a network of associations built over the years."Leaving all that behind forces a couple to work hard to replace their social network, and it's not easy," he said.Not everyone adjusts, he said, and often one spouse feels resentment because of the move.Coincidentally, a few weeks later I was interviewing a fellow who put on thousands of miles traveling cross country on his motorcycle. While he called it "the time of his life," he also admitted it cost him his marriage."My wife didn't want that kind of life," he said. "She refused to leave our old area. But then again, I realized we really didn't have many interests in common."Raising children together is a strong interest in common. It's probably one of the strongest bonds a couple can have.It just doesn't last forever.Then what?Then the bond of marriage can weaken and couples can feel alienated from each other.Or, they can enjoy a new kind of life when they are the center of each other's world.Even when a husband is no longer in the picture, an empty nest doesn't have to lead to unhappiness."Are you kidding? I waited all my life to have time for myself," said one woman who single-handedly raised four children. When the last one left home, she did something she had long yearned to do: She started adult evening classes at the community college."I take whatever interests me. It expands my world and makes me feel good about myself," she told our group.Another woman who never took a music lesson in her life took advantage of her empty nest to do exactly that.Because she always wanted to learn how to play the dulcimer, her husband built one for her and she started lessons. Now, she plays with a local dulcimer group just for the fun of it.In the long run, entering the empty nest stage of life is just like any other stage: It's all what you make of it.Every stage has its own special rewards. You just have to be willing to leave the past behind, embrace change and make the most of the gift we call "the present."