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Lititz-my future home?

Published July 12. 2014 09:00AM

We had a lovely Fourth of July weekend visiting my niece in Lititz and experienced some of why it is called, "America's Coolest Little Town."

If you've never been there, plan a day trip. You'll love the scenery, and the charmingly quaint town offers great shops, wonderful restaurants, and is the home of Wilbur Chocolate and Julius Sturgis Pretzel Bakery.

Jennie Rose's two-bedroom, two-bath apartment is super cute and ideal for a young couple starting out. Having just moved into her very first home as a "Big Girl," it's not quite furnished yet. But her boyfriend, Brandon, and she made their first big purchase together ... a 60-inch television. They had no living room furniture and had to lay on the floor to watch TV for the past four months. I think it's so sweet they have their priorities straight. I was in awe of the TV and told Harry, "We've got to get ourselves one of these bad babies!" It's like sitting in a movie theater!

She bought a new love seat last Thursday in time for our visit. We considered drawing names to see which two people could sit on it, at 15-minute intervals, because as soon as someone foolishly got up to go to the bathroom or look for food, someone stole their seat.

Jennie Rose took us on a tour of the Lititz area. We drove by a lovely complex called Moravian Manor, a great modern senior retirement development. It offers Phase I residential living in townhomes or cottages. Phase II moves you into personal care when you need it, and Phase III is called Health Center (a fancy name for nursing home). Then there's Herrnhut Community for those with memory loss, Alzheimer's and dementia. (If you look real fast at the word Herrnhut you could almost think it says, Her Nut. Or is it just me?)

Jennie Rose encourages her mother and me to look into it because it's close to where she lives so she could keep her eye on us.

Her mother and I took great offense at this implied message. We are by no means ready to even consider this. But according to Jennie Rose, people our age and younger are purchasing these apartments/condos in preparation for their golden years.

I may be a candidate for Phase IV, which bypasses the Her Nut Phase. It's not public knowledge because those who are in that stage are an embarrassment to their loved ones. It's a Phase for those suffering Dippy Doppy, another name for the more scientific Clumsy-itis, which can deteriorate into Acute Beyondallhelp.

I think this weekend was the clincher. Harry is signing up for the annual fundraiser RCHFFADDC, (Radio Control Helicopters Fly For A Dippy Doppy Cure) to raise money for research.

Jennie Rose's apartment has a little balcony off the dining area. On Friday morning, my sister was on the balcony enjoying the morning sunshine. I thought it would be nice to join her and grabbed a Whoopie Pie for each of us and proceeded to walk right smack into the screen door. I'm grateful it wasn't the sliding glass door. I hit with such force it threw me back and left an imprint of my body. It bent the screen door and knocked it off the track. Everyone saw it and came to my rescue, after they picked themselves up off the floor from where they fell from laughing so hard. In my defense, the screen door had been open only a few moments before. Diane apologized for closing it, but I think it may be part of a conspiracy on her part to make me look really Dippy Doppy and throw suspicion off herself.

Then there's the air mattress incident. Since Jennie Rose has only one bed, we brought air mattresses to sleep on. Diane, George, Harry and I shared the empty bedroom while my other niece, Abby, claimed the living room floor. Let me just say, fat old ladies should not sleep on air mattresses. Ours was like two inches off the floor and it was you-know-what getting up from. Diane and George's air mattress was a deluxe queen size that was as high as a regular bed. The room was just big enough with them side by side to have about a six-inch path between the two.

On Saturday morning, I went to our shared bedroom to finish dressing when I saw Diane had made her bed. I felt guilty, so I tried to make ours.

I lost my balance.

With my arms flailing, I fell backward onto the Hubers' giant rubber trampoline, which bounced me back up with such force it threw me into the air, to land on our air mattress full frontal, which bounced me back on the Hubers' mattress with enough momentum to send me rolling off the bed at warp speed. I could see the wall coming fast but didn't have enough time to protect my face as it hit right where an electrical outlet was, which just happened to have a cell phone charger plugged in it. A half inch higher and it would have poked my eyeball out.

I laid there, overcome by an uncontrollable fit of giggles at the ridiculousness of it. Harry heard it downstairs and came rushing to my rescue. My hero! He helped me up and immediately rushed off to tell my loving sister.

"OMG! I can't believe I missed it!" were her words of comfort and concern she expressed after she gained control of her laughter.

Everyone agreed the shiner I received was worthy of the experience.

Jennie Rose put Moravian Manor's phone number on speed dial on her cell phone. My family has an appointment to meet with them a week from Tuesday. I might be moving to Lititz. Soon. Phase IV facilities. Hope they have a 60-inch TV.

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