Skip to main content

Polar schmolar. Give me spring!

Published January 11. 2014 09:00AM

So how did you all enjoy the "Polar Vortex"? Sounds like an episode of "The Twilight Zone," doesn't it? I can hear Rod Serling now ...

"What if a polar vortex settled all over the earth, and the mercury in thermometers never rose above 0 degrees again, with man to live in a frozen world forever? Don't touch your dials. You've just entered ...'The Twilight Zone.'"

The cold weather was obviously the hot topic for everyone this last week.

I was at a meeting Monday night when some parents told us schools had been canceled because of the cold. I don't remember school being canceled when I was a kid because of the cold, do you?

"Yes they did," Wanda Wunder of Effort said. "I remember it being so cold the buses didn't start so they canceled."

Hmmm. Guess that "Selective Memory" thing kicked in again. I forgot that.

What about our parents? We all grew up hearing those stories about "When I was a kid, we had to walk three miles to school, in all kinds of weather." But today, we've got buses, right? And better equipment than in my day?

Brenda Scheckler, whose children go to Lehighton, told me that kids walk to school in town. They are not bused. Well wow. That puts a different spin on it. I definitely wouldn't have sent my kids out there to walk to school either, on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday.

Marlene Greenwood of Palmerton "humphed" at that and rolled her eyes. "Our parents did."

Do you remember when Johnny Carson was the host of the Tonight Show and did a segment sometimes like, "It is so hot" and the audience would yell back, "How hot is it?" Johnny would then launch into a series of "It is so hot ..."

Let's do, "It is so cold..."

Here's mine. It is so cold that when I walked outside my nostrils stuck together and I had to breathe through my mouth. Then my mouth and teeth got so cold they felt numb and I bit my lip without knowing it until I saw a drop of blood fall, freeze in mid air, hit the sidewalk and break into a million pieces.

OK. I got a little carried away, but my nostrils really did stick together when I went outside.

I played "It is so cold ..." with some of my friends. Here are their responses:

"It's so cold, you have to open the fridge to heat the house!" Susie Weaver, Charleston, South Carolina.

Actually, temps down there were in the 20s and on Tuesday "it only got up to 32 degrees." Let's all give Susie a "Pity Party." She added that they had rolling blackouts Tuesday because the electric company couldn't keep up.

"It is so cold I jumped in the refrigerator to warm up." Honi Gruenberg of Effort.

Honi said the cold reminded her of her grandfather, Emmett Gruenberg's favorite joke.

"I'd like to tell you about ice fishing. You will need a big stick, a chair and a can of peas. It is important to find a lake with thick ice. Carefully cut a round circle in the ice. Set your chair up and spread the peas evenly around the circle. Set your chair up and spread the peas evenly around the circle. When the fish come up to take a pea..... Hit them in the ice hole."

"It is so cold this morning when Pappy went to milk the cows he got ice cream." My birthday sister, Carol King, Ohio.

"It is so cold nobody needs to buy hair spray. Just spray on a little water, stick your head outside, and that hair ain't goin' nowhere!" Shirley Brotzman, Kunkletown.

"It's so cold the long hairs on my legs froze solid, cracked and fell off. Don't have to shave now!" A YaYa Sister of mine who asked to remain annonymous because she swears this really happened.

"It's so cold the polar bears took a cruise to the Caribbean." Stephanie Romano, Effort. Then she got to thinking about when we were kids and played Freeze Tag and came up with "It's so cold that you can be a frozen statue without being tagged!"

Renee Keiper of Kunkletown says that this morning on WNEP News Joe Snedeker's Wham Cam, he asked if when it's this cold, would your tongue stick to the flagpole, like Flick's in the movie "A Christmas Story." Joe tried it with a piece of chicken and it did stick. Then Tom Williams said he actually did it with his tongue when he was a kid back in 1975 and his tongue was sore for two weeks.

Renee asked some of her co- workers at East Stroudsburg University's Student Activity Association and one said she left her travel mug (with tea bag) in her car Tuesday and when she wanted to wash the cup, the tea bag hit the sink with a "kerplumk" because it was frozen. Another was walking her dog on Sunday when it started to drizzle and the droplets froze on Piper, her golden retriever's fur and said she looked like she was dusted with powdered sugar. One co-worker opened the door Tuesday to let her dog out, he stuck his nose out, took three steps backward and went to the living room, refusing to go out.

If all this cold stuff is giving your goosepimples goosepimples, let's end this on a warmer note.

My BFF Connie Moretz of Effort shares this one.

"One cold winter afternoon when I was about eight years old and my brother was 12, we were unable to get into our house when we got off the school bus. Both of our parents were at work and the emergency key was not were it was kept. I was so cold I started to cry thinking that we might have to stay outside until one of our parents came home. My brother decided that we should go to our neighbors, Ernest and Mae Pearsol. Mae took us in. She had me warm myself by their parlor stove. She made us each a cup of hot mint tea. My favorite tea today is mint tea. Every time I drink it I think of Mae's kindness to us that day."

May you all know the kindness or extend the kindness of a warm cup of mint tea during these cold winter months to at least warm our souls.

Classified Ads

Event Calendar


October 2017


Twitter Feed

Reader Photo Galleries