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Lottery dreams

Published September 21. 2013 09:00AM

So I had this dream the other night. (I swear to God, I don't make this stuff up.)

We were at some kind of fair. Lots of people, lots to do. I came across this game. It had 100 holes. You pulled a lever and these old-fashioned wooden spools, in all different lengths and colors came up out of the holes. In order to win, you had to get 10 of one color.

I paid my dollar, pulled the lever and waited and watched. One by one, a spool rose out of a hole. There were 10 spools. Each one was rose pink.

"You're a winner!" the man said. "But not only did you get all one color, they all came up in a row. That means you're a really BIG winner!"

I got very excited! Did I win a million dollars? Did I win a brand-new car? Did I win a trip to Hawaii?

"You won $9,000!" the man exclaimed.

Yeah. I know. Weird amount, right? Hey. It was a dream.

I remember feeling so excited and happy, like I HAD won a million dollars, a brand-new car and a trip to Hawaii, all rolled into one. In my world, $9,000 would be like being a millionaire.

When I woke up, I still felt excited and happy. And feeling lucky.

"I think something is telling me I should play the lottery," I said to myself.

So I bought my lucky ticket.

Now I don't play the lottery often. Every once in a while if there's a really big jackpot I succumb to the lottery fever. I've never won the few times I've played. Not even a $1.

I am not my Aunt Katie. Now there was a winner! She was a consistent winner in the daily number. Whenever a number combination came up in her life, she'd play it. And won often. She was also lucky at Bingo.

Poor Mom. She might have been Aunt Katie's sister, but Aunt Katie's luck sure didn't rub off on Mom.

For years, Mom use to play Bingo weekly at the Kunkletown Vol. Fire house. Every week as she walked home she'd swear she was never going again because she was tired of always losing. One night she screwed the lid on her dabber and wanded her magnetic Bingo chips into their pouch for the last time. Those Bingo balls weren't going to have Janet to kick around anymore. No sirree bob.

She and Dad played the lottery faithfully for years. She still plays today because Dad always said, "One of these days we're going to win big."

She's still waiting.

I'm just like Mom ... hope springs eternal. Somebody has to win, right?

And when we don't win, we remind ourselves how very lucky we are. We've got our health. We have a warm, safe roof over our heads. Yada yada yada ...

Do you ever play the "What Would I Do If I Won The Lottery" game?

Well, first, I'd pee in my pants. Then I'd probably start to hyperventilate. They'd have to take me to the hospital where I suffer a heart attack and die. It would make Harry a rich widower with every floozy in America throwing themselves at him and poor Harry would be so devastated by my death that he'd probably start sobbing on the first blond 44-24-34 bimbo that offered her "shoulder" to cry on and she'd end up reaping all my benefits. (Harry gets so mad at me when I say stuff like that. Sorry, dear. But I think most women fear that would happen if we die first. Am I right Girls? Or is it just me? But I digress.)

Wow. That little daydream should have talked myself right out of ever considering buying another lottery ticket!

Are you like me and make promises to God?

"If I win, I promise to give a portion to my church for the new addition. If I win, I promise to give a portion to my daughter, my mom, my sister, Harry's sisters and brother. If I win, I'll send a portion to help feed hungry children. I'll work toward world peace ..." thinking that if God hears that I wouldn't be selfish with my winnings and would try to do some good for my fellow man, He'd make sure my numbers came up. But I really would do those things if I won. Honest.

Then I also contact the Lottery Fairy and promise her the same thing. I like to cover all my bases.

After I gave to the church and the kids, all my family members, paid all my bills, I'd make sure Harry retired so he could take Sassy running every day. I'd tell him to soup up the '64 Chevy Chevelle any way he'd like. I'd buy myself a C 70 Volvo baby blue convertible with a white top. Then I'd drive myself to the Fat Farm at Hilton Head in South Carolina and stay there until I lost 100 lbs. Even if it takes years.

But first, I have to win.

So I clutched my lucky ticket in my hand.

I looked up the numbers on the computer.

The first number ... OK.

The second number ... oh.

The third number ... oh my.

The fourth number ... really?

The fifth number ... Good Golly!

Powerball number ... OMG!

Yup. Not one single number. Zilch. Nada. Zero.

Hey Lottery Fairy. I'd really have been happy with just the $9,000. Yoo hoo. Lottery Fairy. Did you hear me? Hello? Are you there?


So much for dreams coming true.

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