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Locals or wanna be locals

Published May 11. 2013 09:04AM

I have lived in Lehighton, Carbon County for about 30 years, and I am told that unless I was born here with Dutch history, I will never be considered a local. So I set out with my pen and paper in hand to find out whom and what is the mind set of locals. Here's what I found out:

Pull up your pants. You look like an idiot.

Let's get this straight. It's called a gravel road. I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your bright and shiny SUV. Drive it or get out of the way.

Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have a $250,000 combine that is driven three weeks a year.

Everyone in Carbon County waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

Beltzville Park is for us locals. If you're not one, GO HOME TO JERSEY.

The OPENER refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. It's held every year. Get used to it.

We open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of age.

Yeah, we eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese, pheasants or ducks are coming in during a hunt, we will shoot that damn thing out of your hand. You better hope it's not next to your ear at the time.

No, there is no vegetarian special on the menu.

If you bring coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

Local football is more important and a dang more fun to watch.

Oh, well. I'll keep on trying.

From the pen of,

K. Treger

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